Something that really inspired you over the past year

 

This is hands down the people around me.

 

My staff, my family, my boyfriend. Even me! Just seeing how we adapt. I think much of it is a South African gene. We just get on with things. A pandemic? Its okay we have bills to pay. Looting? Lets pray for those in the area and rally around to get them food and provisions. No electricity? We have power banks and people up the road have a generator – oh and do you not know how to braai?

 

We just carry on going. We lift each other up and even drag each other when we need to. We cook meals for those who need it, collect food for the animals affected, donate to the charities most in need. Give up our professional time to assist businesses in need. Never really even thinking about how diminished our own cups have become.

 

And so as the slow down period of the year approaches, I urge you all to take a breath. To look at yourself and acknowledge how far you have come and what you have achieved. We are all so busy pushing for the next milestone and the next achievement that we forget to celebrate the every day ones. The small things we accomplish every day. just making it through this year, even this day, has taken some serious manoeuvring. I am proud of you. And you should be too. Happy holidays.

An obstacle overcome this year

 

When 23h59, 31 December 2020 rolled around, we all got to heave a huge sigh of relief as we bid a not-so-fond farewell to the year our lives changed forever.

 

Its over! We celebrated. Without family or friends, because, you know, COVID. Its all going to be so different next year! We laughed and felt overjoyed. Before 10, and sober. Because, you know, COVID.

 

And then…. 2021 came a knocking. With wave after wave. Loss after loss. Small businesses shut shop. Big businesses closed their doors. Mothers, fathers, frie4nds, sisters, brothers, took their last breath and had to be buried. Remotely. With no time or space for grieving. No comforting those they left behind. Because, you know, COVID.

 

Families were torn apart with borders being shut with no notice or warning. Some still having not been able to see their missing people nearly two years later. Nurses and doctors have sacrificed their mental health, their relationships, and often their lives in the scramble to help those infected.

 

I would say for me, the obstacle I overcame, WAS this year. it tried to knock us all down, but we have overcome and survived 100% of the days it has thrown at us. I am so grateful for all who have kept me company this year, and reminded me to keep getting up.

 

Now can we all sneak quietly into 2022 and not make any sudden movements please! Be blessed

How your passion became your business

  

I would say for me it was the other way around. When I was young, I wanted to be a lawyer. I have wanted to know WHY for most things in my life and was called argumentative. Turns out I actually just have a yearning for knowledge.

 

Unfortunately in high school I found it far more important to be popular than be a lawyer, or even get into university… oops. And so I studied a quick 6 month travel and tourism course and hey presto, my 5 year tourism career began.

 

I adored working with people. The clients loved me and my co-workers and I all got on like a house on fire. It was amazing. But I became a very young mom unexpectedly and I could no longer work the long hours required of me with the commute to Sandton daily. And so I left, for a temp assignment.

 

It was at my fathers company, and my mom worked for him. That was it. He had some temp staff in and out but they were the business. It has been around for 5 years when I joined. I understood none of what it did, and  had no clue about the clients. It wasn’t travel, that was for sure. It was boring, and very grown up. So many rules. Added to that, my parents and I had never got along. So it was NOT my dream job and sure was not conducive to a happy work experience for me. But it had been agreed that it was only for 6 months, and so I had this time to find another job, and get the hell out of dodge!

 

So six months came. I had only just started learning what the company did, and we had just won a really nice tender. We needed to recruit, we needed to train and we needed to get the work done. And so began a rollercoaster 20 year journey.

 

I fell in love with what I did. I fell in love with being able to grow people. Invest in them and watch them flourish. Or, tough as it was, I watched people who just weren’t the right fit, get bitter, get angry, and just not be able to leave us quickly enough. Tough lesson. Very very personal for me. But passion is messy. Its fiery. Its tears, and laughter, and fighting, and making up. VCA is my passion. It has consumed me and become my passion. My dad left the business 18 years ago and my mom nearly 4. I have paid money, bled, fought, and sacrificed for this company. And in return its fed me, clothed me, seen two children through school, and its still standing.

 

I am very proud of my journey, and when I actually stop and think about it, I am very proud of me. my passion is my business, and my business is passion.

Are you a glass half full or half empty kinda girl? Or is it sometimes half full and sometimes half empty?

 

I would love to say I am a glass half full kind of girl. I have read books, listened to podcasts, watched ted talks. I have practiced positivity, attracted the hell out of the universe. I have affirmed, I have afformed. And yet… if I am totally honest, every now and again the whole sky does fall. The stars and the moon even come crashing down.

 

The glass cracks the contents pour out and the end of the world presents itself. In that moment, there is no escape. There is no reprieve. There is no silver lining. All you can feel is your frustration. All you can see is your disappointment. And all you can taste is pain. And this is NORMAL. We are meant to feel our emotions. Every single one. for if we do not feel fear how will we know security? Or contentment? If we do not feel loss how will we know that we are feeling blessed and abundant?

 

We are meant to experience them all yet must be very careful not to dwell in the dark spaces. Get knocked over. Lie on your back. Feel the hurt and let the tears come. But then, see the stars above you, and know that only you can do this journey. Only you can reach for them. swing over onto your knees… and slowly get back up.

 

So lose the glass. Lose the measurements. Get in touch with your feelings. Know them. Welcome them. And when necessary, move through them

 

And be kind to one another

What's it like having a small business and having employees to look after?

 

When I was asked by Andile Masuku, of Its My Biz, this question, very wet behind the ears, the answer I gave was that its like running a household. Being the mom. Making sure that everybody has what they need to be successful, happy and thriving.

 

And I would say, 8 years on and a wealth of experience behind the belt, that this still stands true for me. Maybe it is because we are an SMME. Maybe its because we are a company of women. Maybe its because I am one of the office oldies. But whatever the reason, my role within VCA is the Mom. I motivate. I punish. I chastise. I reward. I advise, I comfort, I plan.

 

I have been a single mommy for 19 years, and possibly that’s why I identify so strongly with this role. Possibly that is the reason I give so selflessly and expect nothing in return. Because it comes so naturally. But I have worked at VCA for 20 years, and she has caused me immense pride, huge pain, and great loss. And yet such wonderful growth and joy. The faces in the chairs have changed throughout the years, the face looking back from the mirror has too, but my passion and my fire still burns bright!

 

Viva VCA viva!

100 things you love or 100 tools you swear by

 

This was the topic assigned to me for this week. And although it’s a wonderful topic I have decided to go a different path.

 

I have decided to write about what I am grateful for

 

And maybe not a hundred although I am pretty sure there are well over 100 I could easily rattle off, I will write 10 today.

 

1)      I am grateful for family. They are not perfect. They may not be blood. But the people that keep me going everyday, that have my back and keep me grounded and accountable and safe. I am grateful for them.

2)      I am grateful for being a mom. Having 2 beautiful children that I raised alone and sacrificed so much for, taught me humility. Taught me how to sacrifice. Taught me how to put somebody before myself. Taught me about unconditional love

3)      I am grateful for love. For finding somebody that loves me as much as I love them. That provides for me, has my back, sees my ugly but chooses to see my light. That hears my fears and helps me laugh at them until they are just tiny balloons on the ground to stomp on. That protects me. That allows me to dream. My star.

4)      I am grateful for my friends. The people that will give me tips on how best to bury a body just in case…. those that cheer me on and push me when I just cant take another step. Those who listen to my ugly cry about the same tired topic on repeat and don’t block my number. The panties. The bros. The loves of my life. Those who see me through success, failure, love, heartache, loss, gain, and who just never turn their backs or their faces.

5)      I am grateful for VCA. Grateful that the blood and tears I have poured into her walls has sustained me for twenty years. She has enabled me to offer employment, educate, train, build up, provide for, close on a hundred people over the years. Some people have been the first in their family to do tertiary studies, buy a home, get a driver’s licence, own a car! What a privilege that when they leave they always find work because of the grounding given here.

6)      I am grateful for animals, and for my pets. For never remembering a grumpy mood, or a cross word. For always wanting to please and forever being grateful for any and all attention thrown their way. For never letting me ever pee in peace because they cannot bear to even have 5 minutes away from me. What greater love could there ever be.

7)      For my senses. For being able to stare at the faces I love, hear music, and laughter, smell a familiar scent that takes me to a memory. For being able to taste my tears of frustration, or pure bliss, and to feel the arms of my star being wrapped tightly around me

8)      I am grateful for my health. For being able to be able.

9)      I am grateful for my fire. For my passion. For arguing for the underdog, for finally finding my own voice and being able to defend myself. Against intentional and unintentional hurt. For never giving up, and if I do, not for long. For seeing the big picture.

10)   And lastly, I am grateful for apologies. For being able to say sorry when I have hurt somebody, and when I have done wrong. Been malicious, been nasty, been deliberately cruel. I am grateful that the sun hasn’t set on me and I can still tell those around me just how much I love them.

 

Tis the season. Be kind to one another.

Why did you start blogging?

 

Eight years ago, I was selected as a contestant on a local business television show. I was allocated three amazing women business leaders as my mentors at this time, and one of these ladies mentioned to me that if I was going to call myself a guru, or a thought leader, or a leader of any sort, I needed to establish myself as one. To take action. To stand up at be counted.

 

And so, I started to blog. I blogged about thoughts, I blogged about life events, life experiences. And in the course of this, I learned about me. I learned what makes me happy. What makes me passionate. I learned what makes me angry and what inspires me. To be better. To do better. To achieve more. To help more.

 

When I initially started it was so much about the other people who were reading it. What their thoughts were – about my writing, about my story, about my experiences. Are they judging me? Are they laughing at me? Does anybody even care?

 

And I came to realise, even if nobody acknowledges what you have written, somebody out there has resonation with your words.  Somebody has been touched by your words. When I was 27, my husband left me, and I was 7 months pregnant. It felt like the world had ended, and that I was a leper nobody else would ever want to be near ever again. That I was shunned. That I had failed. Only to find out, in later years, that so many people have been in the same boat as I was in. And if I had heard that, at that time, it would have made the world of difference for my confidence and for my esteem. To know that it wasn’t only me. To know that it had nothing to do with me actually, but with my ex husband.

 

And so, every two weeks, I write. I blog about topics chosen for me, and topics I have chosen for myself. I pour my heart out. If anybody reads it, has actually got nothing to do with me. For now, I write. I express. I confess. And I know that somebody, somewhere in the universe, who needs to hear it more than ever, will hear it.

 

And I continue to try to be kinder to those around me, and to myself. This is why I blog.

 

 

Who are your role models?

 When I was younger, my role models included a whole lotta rock stars. I mean, who wouldn’t love a slice of the rock ‘n roll lifestyle? A chance to smash whatever you wanted. Say whatever you wanted. Be whoever you wanted. Run far far away and start again as whatever you dreamed? 

But as I grew older, my ideals changed. My priorities changed and my perception of life did too. I became a wife (albeit for a short time) and a mother, and then a single mother. I became a very dedicated employee of an amazing company and business, and success, and economics became important to me.

So as I have experienced different life lessons, different pain, loss, joy, accomplishment, and pride, so my perceptions have changed, and so have my role models and who I aspire to be like. I realised that just as amazing as the musicians are, and just as they have accomplished much in their lives, so have I. So have so many other average women in the world. Who had odds stacked against them but just never surrendered or backed down. Those women who, despite gender based violence, sexual aggression or attack, family tree hurt, lack of support, lack of funds, have stood firm and FORCED the world to take notice. Have given back to their communities. Have uplifted other women. Have mentored. Coached. Taught. 

Been the village that you needed, when you needed it. Those are MY role models. The world needs engineers, and architects, and strong patriarchs. The world needs incredibly smart men to lead us and lead with us. But the mommy, the sister, the daughter. The healers and the sacrificers and the nurturers. They are my heros. They are the lifeblood of our society and THEY are my role models.

Does your mental health impact your physical health?

October, as we are all aware, is breast cancer awareness month. I personally know two ladies undergoing chemo currently with the biggest possibility of radiation being needed and then an operation to remove the growth if it does not improve from these two routes.

 

So often I have seen such a big link between what we think, and what we are conditioned to think, and what we feel about ourselves, manifesting in sickness. In disease, and most often, in cancers.

 

For years we have been told that we manifest our negativity, and our positivity, in our daily lives. That our minds are powerful enough to think things into creation. That what we think, we become.

 

People like Louise Hay tell us that we can heal our bodies. They tell us that various ailments are caused by our circumstances. So possibly issues with your breasts can be caused by issues with your mother when you were growing up. Feeling of inadequacy. Rejection. Of not being good enough. We also hear from alternative healers that your left side and your right side have different meanings, your past and your future or present.

 

Then what about genetics? Why do people who have cancer in their family history stand a much better chance of getting cancer themselves? Why do some people refuse chemo and radiation and insist on the treatment of cannabis? Why does cannabis assist so many people with pain relief? What about the additives and preservatives in our food? Can this give us cancer?

 

 

The truth is, nobody knows enough, and the people that do, aren’t telling. Because at the end of the day, our world is all about money, and about profiting from other people’s misfortunes. Turning a profit is the highest priority that people have. No matter the cost.

 

I had a cancer issue with my breasts and walked a very long journey. I discovered so much and grew incredibly. I lost my left nipple and most of my left breast, but through this loss, I gained so much. So much understanding, so much compassion. So much insight into who people are, especially those around me. I learned what I can actually take and tolerate, and what is a no-go. I learned what my body needs and how it heals.

 

What caused my issues can be interpreted in many ways. Issues with matriarchy in my bloodline. A family history. My own thoughts and my own negativity? Possibly? For years I had felt downtrodden. Victimised. Scared. Resentful. And where had it gone? Was it released through meditation and prayer? NO. Was it released through therapy and safe space talking. NO! It was kept safely inside my chest for years. Bursting at the seams to get out. To be heard. To be unpacked. Instead I guarded it close and eventually, it manifested in my body. And it festered there for 12 years before I found the correct treatment and the correct care.

 

With the ugliness so prevalent around us at the moment. The loss of income, homes, family, and life, we cannot but help feel, as a herd, that we are vulnerable. That inevitably we will fall too. But this self-talk, can only harm us. Emotionally, mentally, and I believe, physically. Do not let it fester. Do not give it space to grow and feel warm and comforted. Seek positivity. Seek affirmation and love. Leave the toxic relationships behind you. And only allow the light inside. Be kind to yourself this October.

 

 

 

 

 

What is the toughest part of being a manager?

 

When I was younger, and worked in travel and tourism as a tour operator, all I ever wanted to be was a manager. The glory. The adoration. All the dollars rolling in month after month. Ahhhh, the life of power.

 

And then, I left travel and tourism, and I came to join VCA. 20 years ago. Within the first year, I was a manager, as we were so small, and growing. So the people that came in needed to be trained, and so I grew and I moulded and I became management. Within 3 years I was a director and had shareholding within the business. I HAD ARRIVED.

 

Funnily, the plaque on my office door just never arrived. Nor did the office. Nor the door. Nor the gold tea set and 6 figure salary. How could this possibly be? Did everybody not know I was a DIRECTOR. Not even a simple manager. I was important.

 

I had always been the life and soul of any office I had ever worked in. Friends with everybody, always up for a laugh, keen to play silly bugger with the best of them. Pranks were what sustained me. I was great at my job but could multitask exceptionally well. This was the same at VCA. Until…. The people I had been out with on the Friday night now needed a letter of warning. My best friend in the next office hadn’t come in to work for a few days and I had to start disciplinary proceedings. Oh dear… this was awkward? And so I learned the very hard lesson that once you are a manager, it becomes a vey lonely road that you travel.

 

That your colleagues will have private jokes. You will stop being invited out, and you need to stop inviting them out with you. Work and home lives need to be kept separate or you will have endless heartache. For an extrovert like me, who is gregarious and needs people around her all the time, it has been the toughest part of being a manager. Being around people you genuinely like every day, and having to keep them at arm’s length. Letting them in just enough so that they don’t think you are a snob or think you are good for them, and keeping them at bay enough so that there can never be that familiarity. So that when work has to become a place of conflict,  or when you need to step into your manager’s hat, there can be no confusion.

 

This is why its invaluable to have a supportive spouse, or a best friend that you can chat to, or even a mastermind group, but people who understand and can give you advice or even just an ear. Being a manager is tough. We don’t get compliments. We don’t get the increases we deserve. We don’t get bonuses, because our bosses are tough man!

 

It is similar to being a parent in so many ways, and is definitely something that gets easier over time. think carefully before you long for the title and all that goes with it, because it is definitely not all that it seems! Be kind to your manager.  

What is a coach, or mentor, and when would we need to use one?

 In 2013 I was accepted into a bursary program at GIBS, sponsored by Goldman Sachs. It was advertised on Radio 702, and I applied at the very last minute, for the very last cohort to be offered in South Africa. This was a very exciting and exclusive program, offered only at GIBS for the whole of Africa, and for women-owned SMMEs.

 

Not being very optimistic about the outcome, I was super excited when I was notified that I had been successful in my application. I arrived at my first day fresh, exhilarated, and totally wet behind the ears. The next few months would be a whirlwind of being schooled in business. Not business the way that we have always done it. The same methods of marketing. The head in the sand kind of accounting that I was so fond of. It was intensive. It was thorough. It was a mini MBA that taught me everything I had been doing wrong for 12 years, and showed me exactly how I should be doing things.

 

As a small business we are fond of finding what we cannot do. We don’t have budgets for professional staff. We cannot afford marketing the way we see our big business competition do. So we make excuses. This is why our turnover doesn’t grow. This is the reason our profits are not showing what we expected. But what we forget is that every single business started small. As an idea. As a concept. As a person.

 

And how did this shift for me? At the end of our theoretical portion, we were assigned a group coach. So 7 of us had a coach for round-table discussion, and for one on one sessions. Having different feedback, firstly from peers in business, and secondly from somebody who has had dealings with hundreds of other small businesses, was an invaluable gift for me. I started seeing a coach monthly.

 

I outgrew many of them, as my needs changed, and my focus and experience did. But through each step of the road, my coach has held my hand. Helped me realise exactly what I need without ever telling me, just letting me work it out myself. Help me find solutions. Get access to contacts I would never have thought of. Coaching has become a part of my every day life. Relationship coaching, business coaching, wellness coaching, money coaching even!

 

Through this period of growth, I met my first official mentor. I realised that I had many of them along my journey. People who had made big impacts, and who had grown and assisted me, without ever realising what they were adding to my life. People who had been there, done that, and were walking the walk I had always dreamed of. My mentors have never been in the same field of work as me, but they have all been women in business. Older. More successful and established. Who just see through the nonsense, who can suss out a situation quickly, and assist you to become your best you with very little fuss and a whole lot of love.

 

Coaching and mentoring are such an integral part of business, and of life, for me, and so being able to coach and mentor has become a wonderful gift that I am able to share and use to assist other small businesses in their journeys to betterment. My advice would be that all people who are self employed should be seeing a coach at least monthly to keep them focussed and on track. It is easy to tell ourselves white lies and become complacent, but in a world Post-COVID, can we really afford this any more?

Traditions that you follow religiously

I am not much of a traditional girl. But something that has always held my attention, inspired my dedication and kept me coming back time and time again, is celebration. Specifically, celebration of those around me that I love. So as a result, birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, are very big deals to me.  Anything that requires celebration of who a person is or what they have achieved gets me extremely excited. And these traditions are my own.

 

Now ingrained in my children and in the people around me. Birthdays start a week, sometimes even a month, early. And why not? Life is full of so much sadness today, more than ever before. People who have lost their livelihoods, their families, their very hope. And so a celebration is necessary every day, every chance that we get.

 

And so, we look to tradition. We look to what is comfortable, and familiar and warm. We count sleeps till Christmas, to our birthdays, to anniversaries. We plan special presents, or treats, or surprises. To affirm, to build up and to add smiles. To make new memories and remember the old ones.

 

Tradition for you may be religious. It may be what you eat and when. It may be who you see at what times. But we all have something we hold to tightly. And these are what keep us going through the dark times. They add excitement and make us feel hopeful again

 

May we never let them die.

 

 

Small business - our pain body

Small businesses. We have a reputation of being the fertilizer for the economy. Creating jobs. Growing skills. Nurturing market entrants. We train them up, perfect their skills. Grow their confidence. Introduce them to the world of work. Teach them about tax. Leave. Managing their finances. Polish them up, make their roots strong and their trunks hardy. And then they leave us. For the allure of corporate. For the shining promise of more money, and bigger growth opportunities.

And the small business counts their pennies, and puts a paid for ad on Facebook, or Career Junction, and hopes for the best. Interviews take forever as not everybody is content only to work closer to home, and have a family instead of a culture. We interview, we woo, we sharpen our pencils. And then… the bite. We’ve hooked one. A really promising shining new sapling. They come in to start, and the training starts again. The nurturing. The grooming. The building.

This is a never-ending cycle within our small business framework. One we are all too familiar with. Poor economy? Low growth? Small return? We, the tree, have become so used to our life cycle that we have grown immune to the effects of this on us, and we continue our journey despite our setbacks.

And then, 2020 hits us. We had all heard about COVID. We knew it was a terrible thing. Affecting people over there. across the ocean. We watched on TV and we sympathised. So glad it wasn’t in SA. So glad our already shaky infrastructure and numerous setbacks were not to be hit with yet another.

Until that fateful day, ‘my fellow South Africans’ our President greeted us at our very first and fearful family meeting. Well, we thought, 3 weeks off, with our loved ones, while this virus goes away, is a small price to pay for our stability, for our peace of mind. And so we downed our pens, and we turned off our PCs, and sent our staff home. Hoping we could still work remotely. Knowing we had not done sufficient to really prepare us or ensure seamless productivity in other locations. But we hoped for the best.

And then 3 weeks turned into over a year. People who knew people who knew people who knew of somebody with COVID popped up out of the woodwork. We shook our heads in disbelief. Then we heard of somebody we had met once before who had it. And the shock and disbelief is palpable. The fear is undeniable.

We still attempt to run our businesses. We try to chase our debtors, only to be told our contact person has been retrenched. And the owner is off ill, with the dreaded C-word. This time, not cancer. We scramble to get new business in, and renew retainers which are expiring soon. Only to be told that any outsourcing is simply not a viable option anymore. That what we previously had offered will have to be internalised.

We tune in to webinars we look to business leaders for inspiration and we are told to pivot. Pivot how? Pivot where? How do we change direction without our teams around us?
So many people have lost their livelihoods over the past 18 months. So many people have been retrenched. Businesses have closed. Families have lost loved ones. People have been dislodged. Evicted. We cannot see those we love. We cannot touch each other. Show affection. Emotion. Sympathy. Yes, COVID has been long! We need to be humans, and to find a way to thrive again, not just exist. We need to find a way back to our vulnerability, and to begin again. Let us focus on the business of rebuilding. And as we do so, let us forever remember just how long COVID is, and let us never forget to be grateful for right now, for right now is all we have. That’s why its called THE PRESENT.

Why is small business so important to me?

Business, and more importantly, small business, is a passion that runs deep in my veins. I cannot be at a braai or at a dinner with friends, without asking about their marketing, or their staff, or their clients. And as soon as I do, I find myself instantly referring to what ‘we’ will do. How ‘we’ should incentivize staff.  How ‘we’ should market. I become possessive. I become obsessed. I sometimes have to be asked very politely to step away from the SMME.

And why? Well because I am a small business owner. I did not develop a business idea. I did not see a gap in the market and address it. I came in by default. As a temp staff member. And fell in love with the job. And for the past 20 years, I have been doing my job. 17 years ago I became a shareholder and in 2017 I became 100% owner of VCA. But in my mind, I still do my job.

And my job involves consulting to my clients. Sometimes around legislation. Sometimes around HR. But ALWAYS around compliance, and growth, and sustainability. Which is when I realised. What makes me excited is not the Acts. It’s not new legislation. It’s the entire jigsaw puzzle that is small business. It is how many hats a Small Business Owner has to wear. And when one starts out, one believes that you need to be proficient in everything. Then, you realise that there are specialists that can alleviate much of the burden for you, on an outsourced basis. So you can get the expertise you need at a fraction of the cost.

You also realise that you are not unique. We all feel extremely possessive over our businesses. My challenge is like nobody else’s. My product is unlike any other. My staff are totally different. The bottom line is that all business operates from the same lifeblood. All business operates in the same way, with the same veins, and the same bones. Some are miniature, others are giant. But all have the same frame, and the same structure.

Business is important to me because I was a single mom since I was 26. I am now 44 years old. I have been supporting myself and my two children for 18 years, and before that I was the breadwinner. I have done that by doing my job. In the process I have built a company, built a personal brand. I have coached around 3000 businesses in their compliance and towards their growth, including work for the Cheri Blair Foundation and Shanduka Black Umbrellas on a volunteer basis. I have coached micro and small companies for GIBS. And I have enjoyed every single second. Because business changes lives.

It helps a single mom out of an otherwise impossible hole. It validates the hustle of an otherwise feeble voice. It grows employees in turn, who can start their own passions. It turns conversations at parties into a takeaway other than a party box. Small business is the lifeblood of our economy. Join us. Its fun.

What advice has stuck with you and who gave you that advice?

 

Many years ago I had a best friend. She was there for me at a time nobody else was. I was going through an ugly divorce (aren’t they all), and I had no support from my family, but this friend was there through thick and thin and supported me beautifully. She then went through a transformation a few years later and became a person I did not like very much. She became a bully, both to me, and the people around her.

 

Here started an internal battle for me. I could not just turn my back on her, not when I owed so much to her. But I also couldn’t condone her bad behaviour, as bullying is something I just cannot condone in any form, having been bulled in some form or another my entire life. So for years I had a push and pull on my emotions, and my brain, until a mentor explained to me the way the Universe works, and it changed everything for me

 

She said: The Universe is like a big universal bank. You make deposits, and you make withdrawals. And just because you made a withdrawal at a certain ATM does not mean you need to wait at that ATM forever until it runs out of cash and you need to make the deposit to return it. You can make your deposit at any ATM. Be it smiling at a stranger, tipping somebody who does a service. Small baby deposits. Or large deposits, helping somebody move, lending somebody money, being there in a time of crisis.

 

I knew that in the past few years I had been there for many people – friends, family members, clients, strangers. And I knew, in that moment, that my karmic debt had been paid many times over. I was able to drop my invisible debt in my very heavy backpack, just there, on the floor, and never look back.

 

This was for me the best advice I ever received and has served me incredibly well in the years that came thereafter.

 

What is some of your best advice?

My bucket list – what is on it and what have I achieved so far?

I never really saw the point of a bucket list

 

a)      a) I was far too young

b)      b) Who plans that far in advance?

c)      c) Who on earth was going to help me traverse these items?

 

 

And then… covid hit. Things that needed money and some leave time previously now required a whole lot more. Vaccines. Negative tests. Countries bounders closed. Indefinitely. Family members became isolated and estranged. Husbands and wives were bound to different continents. Parents had to adjust to living without their children! Suddenly, my dreams of travel seemed very unattainable indeed

 

I fell pregnant at a very young age and my parents, being of a different era, made very sure that I got married. Which lasted a grand total of 3 years. So my twenties and thirties I was a single mom, with very little resources, and no support. Travel was a pipe dream for me. my friends were going overseas. They all had more money, more time, and no obligations. And if they did have children, they had supportive parents or spouses. When I turned 40, and my time suddenly seemed to become partially mine again, I started looking at where exactly I would travel to, if I could.

 

And the list was exhaustive. The wonders of the world, modern, ancient, and natural, were first on my list. These were followed by anything cultural, and encompassed Russia, and extensive European destinations. I started saving. (for the first time in my life). Wanting to do this guilt free, and worry free, and in a responsible manner. Unfortunately, life happened, and I had to build a flat for my father, so my savings said a reluctant farewell and I was left at starting point again. I am now at a point where I have booked tickets for a show in June next year, in Holland, and I am saving towards that and starting to make the arrangements I need to get there.

 

If I had to say what I had already achieved, none of them would have been on my bucket list. It was all things we took so much for granted. Music festivals. Driving through the night for holiday and watching the sun rise. Protest marches. Raising healthy headstrong children, on my own. Being self-sufficient. Being healthy. Surviving 100% of what life has thrown at me. Run a business for 18 years, 3 of those entirely on my own. Being open to love, after being in an abusive marriage. All stuff I would never have seen or imagined in my future.

 

My immediate bucket list items are all things I would have scoffed at a few months ago, but now seem like things I need to do, need to plan and need to savour. They include a holiday with my 8 dogs, learning to snorkel, doing shark cage diving, going to seal island and on a wine tour. It has become about the small things. May I never take one single day for granted

How do you go about planning your week?

 

A very good question indeed. Something I was fabulous at. Up until around April 2020. When planning tomorrow just didn’t seem that important anymore.

 

When you weren’t sure if you would be around tomorrow, if your job was secure enough, your country sufficiently stable to warrant any planning.

 

Yes things did change. Momentarily. But the variables changed, on a whim. You can travel outside of your province. No you cannot. You may buy alcohol. No you may not. you may see your family. No, actually you may not!

 

So planning stopped being for a month, and even for a week. It started being day by day. even this proved to be a challenge. Exposure to COVID-positive friends or family members added the next challenge. From being able to go out for dinner, with a mask, in a controlled environment, coming home before a specified time, and drinking no alcohol, turned very quickly into not leaving the house for 14 days!

 

So for now, my plans are around my happiness. Around my circle. Around my heart. Because at the end of the day, we have always known that life is fragile. We have always known that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I plan to be successful. In my career. In my business, in my family. Within my friendships, and within my relationship. I plan time on all of these in my week. And when I am lucky enough to be around my family, I am fully present. When I am around my friends, I am fully absorbed. And in the workplace I am entirely committed and productive.

 

This for me has become the only way I can plan. We long for more freedom. We yearn for the way things were. But for me, I am so grateful for the realisations that have come my way. Thank you 2020. And even more than anything. Thank you for 2021. Thank you for life. And thank you for new opportunities. Be kind to one another.

Books that helped shape your views and opinions and are they worth the read?

 

I was always an avid, even ferocious reader as a child. Whatever I could get my hands on. This remained until my late teens, and then just seemed to fade away when I had children and no longer the luxury of solitary bathroom breaks let alone book marathons.

 

Until I had the fortune of being on an E-TV reality show, by Nedbank, called Its My Biz. Here this 30 something girl from Benoni was put through the ringer. She was asked about TED talks. About Marianne Williamson, Sheryl Sandberg, Dr Spock. She was asked what she feeds her brain and how these feed her business.

 

Since then, I have feasted on Paulo Coelho, Donna McCallum, Tony Robbins, Stephen Covey, Don Miguel Ruiz.

 

I have spent days discovering Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, and Maya Angelou.

 

I bought every single book recommended to me until I had so many I didn’t know where to begin!

 

And what I realised, is that the books and the authors that influenced me the most were people I met, or saw live.

 

The power of interaction, and energy, once again, was palpable for me. And so I would say that Donna McCallum’s ‘Fairy Godmother’s Guide to Getting what you want’ has been the most profound for me. being able to read her book, go on retreats, attend live classes, and online sessions, has really assisted me in grasping everything she teaches.

 

I am really a work in progress in all aspects of my life, but this one piece of writing really set me on the right path

 

Thank you Donna <3

What are you not going to do this year?

 What a topic. Turns out I am not going to go out, I am not going to see my friends or family often, buy alcohol, go away on a holiday, use my passport, or leave the province!

 

I haven’t been to a funeral, or a birthday party, or kissed my mom. I haven’t been able to hug my sisters or smile at a stranger in the shops.

 

But what I have managed to do, is support. To build new relationships. To strengthen old ones. To rediscover my family and what they mean to me.

 

I have spent hours talking to people. Falling in love with hearts. With fighting spirits. With brave and strong men and women. Watched people’s eyes. Seen their pain. Their frustration. Their loss and their fear. Seen how they get up, and move forward, and persevere. And smile through their eyes, determined that tomorrow will be a better day.

 

I have learned that my own company is pretty good. That I am okay on my own, and that I will always be okay. That the people I spend my time with, I choose to do so. That just as I am so fortunate to be surrounded by them, they are lucky to have me in their lives. That I bring sunshine and not rain as much as possible. That I will build up and support where I can and not tear down with words or actions. And that I am never going to underestimate who I am again.

 

I am not going to have unspoken words on my heart or regret in my soul. I am never going to live for yesterday again but always for today. Because that is my present.

 

 

What skill would you love to learn right now?

 Well the answer is always simple for me. Self love. If it takes me the rest of my journey here that’s also okay. To love myself totally. In my entirety.

 

I loathed myself for so many years that it has taken a long time to get to the point I am in my life now. Where I am satisfied. And I have a little crush on myself. Like, I could totally take me for coffee, or drinks, or a movie. Hell I may even like myself enough at this stage that I would want me as a girlfriend. I can see my attributes. I see my heart, I see my soul, and I see my intentions. And those are dam amazing. For others. Always. Like I could DEFINITELY date them. Hell I could even move in with them! but the rest……… not so sure.

 

No matter what there always just seems to be that voice. When you catch a brief look of yourself in the mirror in passing. OH MY GAWD can you do something with that hair? Maybe even pluck your eyebrows once in a while scarecrow. *runs past the mirror in fear*

 

Later on, doing some work, and I look down at my hands. EXCUSE ME HAYLEY. Are you a man or a woman? Do you even know? can you put some effort in? where is your nailpolish? Why aren’t they long and gorgeous? No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend. GIVES WORK UP AS A BAD IDEA.

 

Decides she definitely needs to go for a walk to clear her head. Feels amazing. fresh air in my lungs and birds and nature around me. SEES REFLECTION ON THE TAR. Good God thunder thighs can you do something about the ground shaking!!!???

 

In all seriousness, its something I have to work on. Something that has held me back for so long. Hearing other peoples voices in my head. Remembering what they said, how they made me feel. Associating that with violence. With abuse. And back to being scared and defenceless and plain unworthy.

 

We all have that voice. Those all too critical eyes. But the skill I want, no I NEED to master, is self-love. I need to remember just how beautiful this girl is. All that she has been through. And high 5 her every chance I get. Because she is a dam warrior, and a fighter, and a champion

 

Be kind to yourself.

The top 5 distractions in my life

Maybe I should start by saying, I typed the title to this piece 3 days ago. This is the first time I am even coming back to it.

 

So lets say, it’s a given. I am easily distracted. Firstly, I think that if I had to be tested, I would be highly ADD. In my days, you were just naughty. But having a son who is extremely ADHD, and has been since he was 2, and walked the entire path with him, I know what this means. I know what this involves and what to look for. And yes, Hayley most definitely has ADD.

 

So what distracts me? I think the answer is, everything. Running a business, and being a grown human in 2021, in the middle on a pandemic, especially in South Africa, there are distractions around every corner.

 

1)      My phone – oh look a whatsapp! Oh its on the group. Who is this person that responded? Let me see their profile picture? Oh I have been there, I am sure that’s in Durban? Wow I wonder what flights to Durban cost these days? Flights – are they even operating? What happened with SAA? Let me do some research? Annnnddd before you know it, half an hour has passed by

2)      Social media – in any form. Oh look an email advising that somebody liked my post? I wonder what post that was? Let me check? Oh thattttt post. It was funny hey. Oh Sandra shared it. I wonder what happened with Sandras boyfriend I know that they were fighting – let me check her relationship status. Oh wowwwwww it says single. I wonder what Johns says? Oh my word. Still says relationship, I wonder if anybody else has seen this. Mari, have you seeeeeennnn Sandras relationship status on FB? And another half an hour of rabbit holes.

3)      My pets. I wake up in the morning with every intention of exercising, putting a perfect makeup face on, doing some meditation, anddddddddd BAM! One of my pets will come up to me for a love. And I will end up on the floor with a lap full of doggies, and then decide to brush them, or take some cute photos of them, and thirty minutes later they have enacted a whole play complete with outfits and props

4)      Reading. When I was a little girl, we only had one bathroom, and I would sneak my book into the toilet with me and spend hours in another world. Or go into the garden and get lost in the Magic Faraway Tree. Or climb into a bath and spend the next sixty minutes with the Famous Five. And it’s a habit that’s never left. Except now I can take my book into my bath WITH WINE!

5)      I think lastly, one of my biggest distractions is moving furniture. Yes, I said it out loud in front of everybody. Moving furniture is my absolute drug of choice. Whenever I get very, or even slightly, anxious or worried, I move furniture. From large to small. From entire walls, to paintings and mirrors. I have always been told that I could never have a blind boyfriend because he would come home one day and not be able to find his way into the house. It’s the OCD in me that finds a way to escape, but moving furniture, and cleaning is my last and final big distraction

I think if we all sit and make a list, we will see just how much more we could do with our lives. But then, how much would we miss out on?

 

 

Merlin is best known as being an Enchanter or Wizard

 Truth be told, my Merlin enchanted me from the very day I met him. It may sound like he was a handsome man. Or a great mentor. Truth is, Merlin was a great dane. Let me rephrase, he was a GREAT dane.

 

Let me start at the beginning. I was already a single mom, with 3 cats and 2 dogs. Which for most people is an elegant sufficiency of pet friends. Clearly not for me. I saw his face on facebook, he was needing a new home as his owners were leaving the country. I fell in love almost immediately and asked if I could meet him and see if my doggies got on with him. So I headed off for a meet and greet. Thinking that this meant I could walk away if it wasn’t a match, or we didn’t feel synergy.  

 

Was I wrong. Merlin loved me, and I him, and instead of being given any time to make my home ready for a giant-sized dog, I was given him as a great big take away treat. I drove home, with this monster on my back seat, staring at me in my rear-view mirror. I got home, and he sauntered out from my car. He stared at the two other dogs, and decided that he would stay. He clambered onto the couch, which I was too nervous to make him disembark from, and so started my love affair with my Magician.

 

My daughter was away that weekend and came back to find a large new addition that had taken a place in the family in her absence, who weighed more than she did, and was taller than her without even standing on his back paws. She couldn’t, however, resist, and was in love before the day was through.

 

Merlin was adorned at Christmas time with hats, he took the smaller dogs for piggy back rides, he fascinated all visitors to my home, and captured the love of everybody who met him with his Eeyore eyes and slobbery lips. When we took him walking in the afternoons, people couldn’t help but tell us how beautiful he was, children couldn’t help but touch the big puppy, and he loved every second of the attention he received.

 

He was very much a lap dog. Yes, he may have weighed 75kgs, but in his eyes, he was as tiny as (by then) his 5 brothers and sisters. He loved cuddles, and he loved to play, and even dance. He was a multi-talented lad 😊

 

Although so many people loved him, Merlin chose me. From the first day. I was his human, I was his family. He followed me to the bathroom, where he would wait patiently outside the door for me to return. He never ever left my side.

 

Last year, Merlin was not acting himself during lockdown, and I panicked and thought maybe his tummy had turned. I got him to the vet, and after various tests were run, it was discovered that my Magician had cancer. Everywhere. His beautiful body was just riddled with it. The vet told us it was too late for any kind of treatment and that our time with him was very limited.

 

So I took my Prince home and we made him comfortable. We laughed and we had fun. We made him special food every day. we walked him until he showed us he couldn’t manage anymore.

 

I took photos of his beautiful face and his paw, and had my very talented best friend design a beautiful tattoo of his face in his paw, which he always used to put on my thigh, for the day he longer could.

 

And one day, I noticed my shadow was missing from my office. I went outside, and I saw him lying on the grass. And as I saw his face, I knew he was telling me it was time. So I bundled that frail, now very skinny body into my car, and drove him to the vet. Here we said our see you laters. You see, I had received a very special message from a very clever lady, that Merlin was going to be recruiting on the other side. He was going to be finding perfect Forever Homes for other doggies. He was going to recruit the families, and prepare the doggies, and be doing some very serious matchmaking when he crossed over. And so when he did, I knew that he would still be with me every day. As much as his very busy schedule would allow. He passed loving me with all his heart, and me loving him with every piece of me.

 

I carry his paw on my thigh with so much love. Its not nearly as heavy as it was when he was here in body, but the imprint is in my heart until I get to hold him in my arms again.

What is the Motto you have for life?

 I was asked by one of my staff members to write about my motto in life for work, for life, and for my career.

 

I have spent time contemplating this, and the answer is quite simple. There are two. I may not always live up to them, but I always aspire to them.

 

Firstly, do what is right even when nobody is watching.

 

And secondly, as the Christian faith teaches, Do unto others as you would want done to you.

 

These two lines have played such a major part in my decision making over the years. How I conduct myself in relationships. How I treat my friends. How I run my business.

 

And I fall short in so many places, but I always strive for these. If you get a text that makes you vaguely uncomfortable from somebody of the opposite sex, and you are in a relationship…. Ask yourself – how would I feel if my partner responded? Would it be okay? if so, go for it. If not, just don’t do it. Because then you know that your gut is teaching you.

 

If somebody talks about your friend and she’s not around. Do you laugh with them? or do you walk away? Or alternatively, do you stand up and say that’s not okay? well, what would you want your friend to do if it were you? what would be acceptable? Do that

 

When you are dishing pudding in the kitchen and nobody is around, do you lick the spoon and carry on dishing? Do you take the biggest bowl with the most yumminess? When nobody is looking do you throw your trash out the window? If you had company would you be doing that?

 

So for me, those two mottos pretty much can be used for any situation in our lives

 

First, do no wrong. And be kind to one another.

 

 

The best advice I have ever received

 

I have been so blessed in my life to have many teachers. Often karmic teachings but also beautiful souls who have crossed my pathway and shed so much light on subjects without even trying.  Just dropped a nugget, painted in Hayley language, and left. Only for me to pick it up in wonder and marvel how I had never seen it before.

 

But if I had to choose one bit of advice that has served me every single day since the day I heard it, it is not to be a thief.

 

You see, I had it in my head that I needed to pick up everybody’s baggage. Everybody’s burdens. Everybodys troubles. And carry them on their behalf.

 

Until a teacher one day told me that I was stealing. I looked at her incredulously and asked what she meant. That I am a martyr if anything, definitely not a THIEF! And she looked at me and said Hayley, those are other people’s lessons. They are their blessings. They are their terrors.

 

Leave them be. Nobody can learn if somebody else takes them away. Put them down and let them learn their lessons. Support them. Love them. But let them be free to learn, to suffer, to grow, and to get to the next chapter in their books.

 

So my nugget would be – if its not yours, leave it be!

 

How’d you get started in your career? How did you get to where you are today?

All I wanted to be when I left school was a teacher. I wanted to do it better. Be more approachable. Change lives. Influence the impressionable. I had never had a safe space. I had been branded as naughty and that was it for me. I mean, it’s not as if I showed my teachers anything different…

 

Unfortunately/serendipitously, I messed about and did not get the marks I needed to go to Varsity and study teaching. And so my dad, who insisted I study, put me into a travel school where I did 6 months of a travel and tourism certification. I went to work in 2 tour operators thereafter and thoroughly enjoyed my period employed with these wonderful companies and under these amazing bosses.

 

In 2001 I needed to get a job closer to home as I had a one year old child that needed her mommy, and I was the breadwinner so could not afford to simply not work. I was leaving home before 6 AM and returning home after 6PM every day. My parents had started a management consultancy in 1996, and they needed some admin assistance. Historically our relationship was awful. So this was a short term agreement. In June, I will have been employed by VCA for 20 years.

 

I have been the sole shareholder for 3 years, having bought both my parents out. One in 2010, and one in 2018. This is the history. But what is the emotion?

 

The business at the beginning was a space where I had to learn, and fast. It was a world I had never heard of and a space I had never played in

 

I fell in love with the world of commerce and business really fast. It has ensued in a love affair that has spanned two decades. Involved me bringing my children up within these walls. Got a NDIP under my belt, a mini MBA bursary from GIBS, a bursary in business from Wits Business School, and 22 other short courses.

 

It has seen me train dozens of people in our trade, and enabled me to assist people to get their learners licences, their driving licences, cars, buy property – many the first in their families.

 

I have met with well over 10 000 small business owners over this time, in all of South Africa’s provinces, and through the Cheri Blair foundation, several overseas.

 

My career has been a labour of love. Of sweat. Of tears. Of pain and anguish and absolute joy. And I am by no means close to finishing. Thank you to my beautiful co-creation for holding me in bliss for so many years. Here’s to the next 20!