This has always been extremely hard for me.
As a child I was extremely unpopular, and there were many children who bullied
me. I desired acceptance, I yearned to be loved, and so if I was asked
ANYTHING, my answer would be yes. Can you do my homework for me? Sure. Will you
give me your lunch money? Of course. Can I have your sandwich? With pleasure.
Surely if these children are asking you for things, they must like you?
Filter it through to my personal life.
Hayley are you going to drink this alcohol? Of course, yes. Hayls do you want
this drug? Why not! And the list went on and on, of things I should have said
no to at the time, having a resounding yes coming put my mouth instead, just in
different forms.
Fast forward into my twenties, and my
thirties. Can you help me with this? Will you lend me your car? May I borrow
R10 000? The streams of yeses were ridiculous, and way out of control. Until
one day, I realised that I didn’t need to please these people. I came to see
that the only person that needed to be happy in my life was me. And that if I
was happy, those around me would be too, because it would flow out of me. Not
in an obvious or awkward way, but in a beautiful way, that would attract people
to me, to my space, and to my bubble. Who knew that what I had been chasing so
fervently my whole life, meant making me happy and whole first?
Learning to say no is so difficult. We are
terrified of being rejected, ridiculed, mocked. But until we start, we do not
realise the value of us. Of our time, of our happiness, of our worth. Take a
small step, and know that you are not alone.
