Choices

As I walk down the twisted road of fate, I find many thorns to bar my path, and a great deal of lanes
I often find myself wondering if I have chosen the right lane
Am I doing what's best for me, or for the person I think I am?

Who am I?
What do I want?

Two easy questions, and yet the answers are so very difficult to uncover, or discover

I know I want happiness, security and love
Who doesn't?

But will I find these three pre-requisites, or simply find myself lost in the maze of 
LIFE

Monday motivational: Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up – Pablo Picasso

Life

Rejected, neglected, abused, misled
Loneliness and depression are bitter cups to drink from
No rules to abide by
Life kills

Monday motivational - Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can - Arthur Ashe

As you lay sleeping

As you lay sleeping
I realise we will never have a baby together
But that we have brought new life to each other

As you lay sleeping
I realise that you loved them
That they're in your story
But the chapters done

As you lay sleeping
I realise that every desire I've ever had is wrapped up in a curly headed boy

As you lay sleeping
I realise why it's never worked out with other people
We were destined for each other

As you lay sleeping
I feel the broken pieces finding each other
My heart becoming whole once again

As you lay sleeping i realise that you're my future Taylor.
And it's a brand new book.
Let's make it count.

Wayne.

They smile
They laugh
They cry
They love

They act
They deceive
They lie
They kill
And then they die
Why do the innocents, those that God designed
Be the offerings, the examples, and devastate the ones they leave behind?

Why did you leave us, it wasn't your turn to go 
Why did they choose you? I don't think even they know

We miss you
We mourn
We seek
We question
We persecute
And yet our load is never left behind

Why did you leave us?
Why was it you?
You'd be so proud of her
Your girl, your life, your babygirl

Until we meet again, or so they say
Until we meet again, I will miss you every day.

Monday motivational: Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear - George Addair

What holds you back

I recently started dating somebody. One of the first statements I made to him was, ‘I am a strong independent woman’. Quite proudly. Quite amazed that I found myself infatuated with this boy because I don’t allow myself to get close. So the best buffer I could was to flaunt my strength and my independence.

Why was it necessary? Why was this one of the first statements I uttered to him?

Because I was scared. Still am. I have had my heart broken. So have we all, right? My husband left me for another woman when I was seven months pregnant with his son. And I think for me that broke any bit of fundamental hope I had in ever meeting a nice boy. Or being loved. Or being nurtured.

I tried dating after that. Really hard. I attempted putting myself out there. I didn’t want to get bitter. I didn’t want to feel like my love life was over before I even turned 30.

But try as I might, I did not meet anybody for me. I met people, but my soul knew, they were somebody else’s happily ever afters. So I threw them back into the ocean.

Closed my heart off, erected a wall, threw some barbed wire on top for good measure, and called it a day. Had a wonderful life. Met people. Raised my kids. Travelled. Studied. Ran my business. Grew it. Learned about myself. Discovered so much about people and about life.

Contented. Complete. Fulfilled. But TOTALLY love averse. After all, if your family lets you down, your husband lets you down, your friends let you down, lets be honest. The safest bet is the convent.

And then I met the boy I was meant to be with all along. Just one random day. And I realized. I was NOT strong and independent. I was scared. Fear had been holding me back all along. But I am so glad it did, because it let go at just the right time, and propelled me straight into his arms. I didn’t have a chance to think, I just did.

Fear held me back – what holds you back? What would you do tomorrow if there was no more barriers?

Be kind to one another.

Monday motivational: Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage - Anais Zin

The Clouds

Sometimes I catch myself, staring out the window
Watching the clouds in the sky
Lost in thought
And I drift away
Each cloud for me symbolises people who have floated in and out of my life
Some of them were wispy....
Some spread too thin
Some were larger than life
Some brought thunder and lightening
And there were those that were full of tears!
But after the wisps, the thunder and lightening, and the tears, the clouds were gone
The sky was as blue as could be
And the sun was revealed
Just when I thought I would never find my sun
He appeared
As though beckoned
As though my mind and heart had been calling out to him all along, but he couldn't reach me because the clouds were blocking  him
Making noises from the thunder, creating flashes from the lightening
Betraying and exhausting with their flimsiness 
And he finally filled my horizon, started my every day, and ended my every evening
And our sunrise has only just began, and our sunset will never materialise
I will live my days with my sun, shining, warming me, brightening my skies
And I will love him until his ray is extinguished and the earth rises up to meet us

Monday motivational: The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any - Alice Walker

Life

When I was a child, 
I thought as a child
Acted like a child
Felt as a child
When I became an adult I put away childish things and thought as an adult, acted like an adult, and felt as an adult

But life is not what its promised to be
People are not what they promised to be

Thoughts are not as they should be
Thoughts of jealousy, insecurity, inadequacy cloud your mind

Actions are not as they should be
Actions of love and trust are replaced with fear, anger, disillusionment and self-protection

Feelings are not as hey should be
Feelings of hurt, mistrust and loathing race into your heart

How easy is it to continue on such a path
Forgetting the child in you
Hiding him away and never letting him out to play

But once in a lifetime, when you wish upon a star
You are granted the gift of new life
Not new life as in the birth of a child but rather the rebirth of your spirit

Sometimes one can let it pass you by
Hide away from it, thinking it can only be another false promise
Another opportunity to be hurt
Think it would be too much work, and not worth the risk

But I have been given such a gift

And this gift is beautiful, pure, unselfish
This gift is all I could have ever hoped and prayed for 

My gift is you
And I shall continue to unwrap you for all the days of my life
I shall cherish and nurture you
Knowing that this is what I have been praying for

You.

The mind is everything - what you think you become – Buddha

Heart break

Heart break is a funny thing. Because the pain you feel is not in your heart. Its in your legs. In your face. In your hands. In your stomach. You battle to breathe. You cannot eat. You cannot sleep.

Heartache consumes you. Eats you alive. Brings every doubt and insecurity you have ever had to the surface, rearing its ugly head, chomping at it's bit. Reminding you just how often you have been hurt, let down, betrayed, felt less-than. 

Sometimes. more often than not, heart break can be in your head. Can be a situation you have created for yourself. One that does not even exist. 

Sometimes it can be because the grand gesture is not forthcoming. Sometimes it can be because the person you love, does not love you back. At all, or in the way you wish he would. Sometimes because he doesn't call, because he doesn't visit, because he does not commit the way you wish he would.

Sometimes, heartbreak is the real deal. It is when he has cheated. It is when he has let you down, and betrayed you. It is when you have not been enough. 

But always, heart break is absolutely horrible. It hurts. It destroys. It renders us useless.

This is when we must remember, more than ever, to be kind to ourselves. Not to listen to the voices in our heads, but to just love ourselves and remember how fantastic we are. Deep in our souls.

Guard your hearts but at the same time love with all you have <3 

Why do I trust you?

I've been told you drink too much. I've been told you're playing me and I'm not your priority. 

And yet i trust you. With all of me. 

You've been single for years. 

And yet I trust you. Heart body and soul.

Can you hurt me? Of course you can. With a single word. One look. An action. You can break my heart. This time forever.

And yet i trust you. Implicitely.

I've never felt the way you make me feel. I've never let my walls down. I've been hurt by my friends. By my family. By my ex husband. By my boyfriend's. Cheated on. Beaten. Manipulated. Betrayed.

And yet I trust you. With 20 years.

Why? Because I know this is it. Because I know that just as I am scared so are you. Because I know we only get one soulmate. And I cannot believe I've found him.

And so 5B. Be mine. Love me. Choose me. Trust me. And I promise you, I will love you until the end of days.

Monday motivational: I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions - Stephen Covey

My 5B

Life can be cruel.
It often makes us believe that we are blessed, abundant, safe.
And then it laughs in our faces as it pulls our rugs out from under us.

As we get older, we encounter this experience many times.
We build out bubbles up, feather our nests, count our blessings, plan our futures, and then BAM! Rug pulled.

We begin wearing our rugs. Believing that if we throw them over our shoulders, let everybody see, they won't be stolen. 

Life sees, grins, and bides it's time. It knows that sooner or later, we will get hot, and toss our rugs off, or leave them behind, and then, it's itchy fingers start pulling at the ends. And before you know it, rug gone.

I made a decision many years ago, not to have any rugs. To have my children, to have my company, and for that to be the sum total. Some friends, and a little family were allowed, but these were more like scatter cushions. Beautiful, and comfy, but if they are stolen, we shall still survive. 

And then, I turned 41. I know, it's such a weird age for fairy dust and magic sparkles to appear, but they did. The even before my birthday I granted myself the gift of being loved, should it present itself. And four days later, the rug was thrown over me, when the most beautiful boy kissed me. This rug is thick, and colourful, and luxurious. And I cannot wait to sit on it, lie down on it, and roll around a little. 

Turns out, rugs may come and sometimes they may even go. But life without a rug, life without love, life without taking a chance, is like just opening your eyes to stare at the roof above you. Open your eyes. Sit up. Stand up, walk around. Look at the beauty and wonder all around you. Embrace it, and allow it to happen.

Yes, you may be hurt. Your world could come crashing in. But, imagine if it doesn't?

Be kind to yourself. And your rugs. 

Monday motivational: You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore - Christopher Columbus

Chapter 2 - the first date

I know that we have been alone before, and I know that we have spent time just the two of us staring into each other's eyes, but nothing quite seals the deal like that first date.

I kind of asked him if he would like to meet for a drink and then he said no..... let's have a date night. My heart skipped a beat and I said yes. (Obviously in a very cool and calm way because we can't let him KNOW our heart responds this way....)

Three sleeps took ridiculously long. Like who knew that time actually physically DOES stand still? Eventually the night comes along. He is fetching me..... this means I cannot drive myself. I cannot be independent. Already the anxiety sets in. He was late - by a whopping ten minutes. The audacity. I climb into the car and there is this face....... this face that I see in my dreams and every time I close my eyes. The beautiful eyes, the amazing smile. And everything else fades away. 

We went for dinner. It was lovely. The conversation just flowed, and didn't ever stop for one second except when our mouths were full or we were grinning at each other from across the table. And then the bill was paid (like there is something wrong with my money? I am a strong independent woman! But oh so glorious to feel spoiled and invested in - don't tell him that.)

Then time for a few drinks and a little dancing and socialising. Where we held hands! (but people can see?) And even did a little kissing (again, there are lights on!) People seemed happy for us. Both of us. And could not stop raving about this beautiful heart beating in the body next to mine, and how much he deserved to be loved and appreciated (Must be his lucky day as there is NOBODY better at loving somebody than me.Just saying. Best lover in the world badge for me)

At a respectable time, after having the car door opened for me all evening, and some heart-stopping kisses, I arrived home. The being driven around part (the horror) was actually bearable. In fact not just bearable but wonderful. How surprising. Having the door opened for me (like there is something wrong with my hands) - a treat. Being claimed as his own by a beautiful creature (or just a big bad biker boy - BBBB), as awful as that may sound, made my heart burst. 

Having being so scared of love for so long, and so convinced that my life was complete, and my story whole, what a surprise to discover that actually, it is amazing. It is fabulous it is intoxicating. 

Thank you Hayley for allowing yourself to lower the drawbridge and allow somebody in. Thank you my BBBB for just being you. Perfect in your entirety.

Thank you love and the universe for perfect timing.

Be kind to one another. 

Monday motivational: Believe you can and you're halfway there - Theodore Roosevelt

Putting it out there

I have never had much good luck with relationships. With my parents, with my extended family, and especially with my significant others. My marriage ended dismally, and for a long time I just have believed that it is not my lot in life. I have a good life. I have two amazing kids, a very fulfilling job, wonderful friends, and fabulous animals - I am busy, I am filled.

Part of my job entails travelling. I climb into my car, or onto a plane, and I leave for beautiful, magical places. I absolutely love encountering new people, new destinations, and sitting staring, breathless, at our stunning South African landscape. And this is where, somehow, my fillness, becomes ever-so-slightly, unfilled. Like one second I am fine, I am happy, I am joyous, and then I turn around to share the sight - shout enthusiastically to my partner - and the bugger is not there. And then I remember.... oh ja - I am busy, I am filled.

Having a boyfriend would be a lot of work. I would have to feed him, play with him, probably even have to dress him. What a chunk of time out of my busy filledness.

I have a whole story already, at 41. Having a boyfriend would mean I would have to start at chapter one and explain how I became me. I would have to explain my hurt, reveal my pain, and show myself bare and exposed. How can anybody this busy, possibly dedicate that amount of time to another human? I am filled.

And then I went on a magical retreat a few weeks ago with a magical mentor. All the single ladies there were talking about how they would love a partner and I am just thinking - HMPH how uNbusy are these chicks? How uNFilled are they? Shame...... me? No time. No space. Totally filled.

A week later I turned 41, and I wrote down the things I would allow myself this year, and the last part of it read.... And should the right situation come along, I give myself the gift of being loved.

Five days later I was kissed. By the most incredible. amazing man I have met in years, if not in my lifetime. In front of a whole room of people. Was he crazy? I am busy! And super filled! And yet, what a delicious feeling is this? Every text from that day till this, a champagne bubble of excitement. Every meeting, every chance I catch his eye, my breath stops in my throat. 

Was I merely waiting to give myself the gift? Allow myself the chance to be loved? Treasured? I do not know, but I guarantee I will NOT be too busy to give you the latest as soon as I read the next chapter. To be continued!

Be kind to one another <3 

The best revenge is massive success - Frank Sinatra

New beginnings and new endings

Today I started the 42nd year of my existence in this life and on this journey.

I am cognisant of all that I leave behind and all that I begin.

I begin the year in which I will move homes, I begin the year in which I will probably offices, I begin the year in which I will run VCA. I begin the year I will start living closer to my purpose, the year for me.

Less guilt, more laughter.

More saying yes only if it resonates a yes in my very soul.

The year of loving money and not squandering it but using it for it's best purpose.

The year of discovering my mom and being a daughter for the first time in a very long time.

The year of being supported effortlessly and beautifully.

Of finishing my book. 

Of falling in love with Hayley and being the mom that my children deserve.

More saying sorry and less reasons to.

More nature, more loving, more laughing.

And should the right situation come along, I give myself the gift of being loved.

Happy birthday Hayley <3 

Love this for today - Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life - Steve Jobs

SPRING CLEAN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

My husband left me when I was seven months pregnant with my second child. I felt like my life was going to end. I was 27. The first weekend he came to fetch the children from me for the weekend, the silence was deafening. I roamed around the townhouse for a few hours, not really aware of where I was or what I was doing.  The weekend passed in a blur.

The next weekend I had on my own, I was prepared. I had DVDs coming out of my ears. Enough to help me not to think and not to feel alone. This became somewhat of an obsession for me so much so that I have one of the biggest collections of DVDs among my friends. Enough to start my own DVD store. I even had DVDs I didn’t really like. Ones that were badly made, had poor actors in them, a pathetic plot, and just left me with no real value.

When I decided that perhaps it was time to shake it off, and get out into the world, instead of DVDs, I collected people. I made friends with the people in the shops, people at the garage, people I met at my children’s schools. And I made appointments. I had dinner appointments, drinks appointments, breakfast appointments, tea appointments, lunch appointments, more tea appointments, and it went on and on. The BUSYness. The FULLness.

Until one day, I  discovered, just after I had to have TWO birthday parties for my thirtieth, because there were too many actors in my plot, that I had collected people much the same way I had collected DVDs. Some were amazing. I wanted to watch them over and over again, and I would never grow tired of them. Some were great to watch a few times a year. Others left me feeling empty, hollow, and just plan BLEGH. What an amazing feeling. To be able to pinpoint where I was receiving value, and nourishment, and support, and where I wasn’t.

And so, systematically, slowly, my DVD collection became smaller, and so did my list of friends. And now, ten years later, I still find myself impulsively collecting DVDs, and sometimes people as well. But I know that some movies, just like relationships, are either meant for a season, a lifetime or a reason. 

Pay attention. And be kind to one another. 

Magic

This past weekend I attended a retreat in the Magaliesberg, hosted and facilitated by my magical Fairy Godmother Donna Mc Callum. It was for our bodies, our minds, and our souls. 

My trinity went in kicking screaming and protesting. I was too busy, too hurried, too worried, too unprepared. But in the back of my mind I kept remembering, that Universal and Divine timing is always perfect. More specifically, Donna's timing is always perfect. 

I did attempt, truth be told, to get out gracefully. I explained to Donna that I needed to have an operation. And that this would render me immobile. Which I do need to have, and which will render me immobile. However, it is not scheduled until October. 

Donna quite politely ignored my protest, knowing that I needed to be on the retreat, or I wouldn't A) have booked and B) tried to cancel! I then realised that perhaps sometimes, other people do know best. 

We left the office at one on the Friday, and arrived in Magalies around three thirty. We left at around three on the Sunday. What went on, I cannot disclose, as it is a Magical FGM secret. What I CAN confide, is that it changed my life. Is that it gave me so many AHA moments I couldn't choose which one was the actual sparkler one! Is that Donna Mc Callum is indeed a mystical creature blessed with healing, blessed with vision and blessed with an abundance of love and I am so grateful to the Universe for sending me her!

Thank you Donna! 

Be kind to one another 

Monday motivational: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life - John Lennon

The world is not enough

Yes, this is the title for a James Bond movie.... and even as I type I am humming the tune of the soundtrack.

However, the world IS not enough. We have destroyed so much of what is beautiful and what is good both in this world and in ourselves, as people. Yesterday, I went to visit somebody very close to me in a rehabilitation clinic. I was meant to spend half an hour with him and ended up being there for nearly an hour and a half, after a very long work day.

I then drove home, collected my daughter, and went to do some grocery shopping. On the drive home, at about 18h30, we were about to pull into our driveway, and we encountered a small doggy on the grass opposite our complex. The dog was clearly lost and looked very bewildered. At first I thought it had been hurt as it was very confused. We stopped and we coaxed it to us. You could see that she was old, quite deaf and a little bit blind.

We went to all the complexes in the house and searched for her owners for over an hour. Nobody knew where she belonged, and very few people cared. We eventually were left with no choice and we took her home. 

She was dirty and she was thirsty. After spending another hour orientating her with our doggies, she came and climbed on the bed with me. I took some photos and I put them on Facebook, and then I contacted TAG (the Animal Guardians). Within 15 minutes - her owners had been located. It is incredible that we were able to accomplish this, and the owner was so happy to be reunited with her baby.

But she was vulnerable, she was scared, and nobody bothered to help her. What has happened to us as people that we turn the other cheek, and we ignore those who most need our help?

Be kind to one another.

Monday motivational: Fall seven times and stand up eight - Japanese Proverb

Godparents

Godparents are a funny thing. Wikipedia defines them as: someone who bears witness to a child's baptism, although the term has also been used in a legal sense. In both religious and civil views, a godparent tends to be an individual chosen by the parents to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development, and to take care of the child should anything happen to the parents.

I am Godparent to three little boys, personally, and as a mother of two, my children have Godparents. 

At the time that these children are born, it tends to be an emotional appointment, somebody who either means a lot to you, or somebody who you feel obligated to appoint. 

What a wrong perception and take! Because how many times do your friends or even relatives, NOT take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development? Let alone guarantee to be there should anything happen to the parents?

And so you have to ask two questions: 
1) Do parents know what they are nominating people as in their children's lives?
2) Are Godparents even still valid parts of society? Is there still a role for them?

One of my Godchildren happens to be my nephew. My sister and my brother in law share the responsibility of being Godparent to him. I would say I am the most active Godparent in the relationship, as my sister stays far away. And yet I still do not see Godson A more than once a month, if we are lucky - does this infer an interest in his upbringing?

Godchild 2, or Exhibit B, is the child of one of my oldest friends. An absolute beaut of a little boy. And yet, I haven't seen him more than a handful of times in his two years of existence. This is not because he disgusts me, smells funny, or even has parents that irritate me or behave badly. It is because we live in a world where roses smelling is strictly prohibited and guilt calls from every angle.

Be the perfect moooommmmmm - calls guilt. Work late every single dayyyyyyyyyyy - calls guilt.

You are divorced shower your children with an all you can eat buffet of attention twenty four hoooouuursssssssss - yells guilt at the top of its lungs.

And then, despite your best intentions, along comes colds, flu, and digestive ailments. Just to add something different in the mix. So that even when you PLAN to see this poor neglected Godchild, you daren't as you will infect the entire household and feel even MOORREEE guilt. 

Typical - says guilt - it is because you work all the time.

And so, my dear Godchildren, A, B and C. I love and adore you all. I want only the very best for you, in every situation and in life and in general. And I have no doubt you will achieve the pinnacle of success. Because you all have amazing parents and are so loved.

And I will endeavor to be a better Godmother. Because you deserve it. And well, because Guilt said so.

Be kind to one another <3 

Monday morning motivational: When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us - Helen Keller

Monday motivational: Everything has beauty, but not everyone can see - Confucius

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world – Anne Frank

Monday motivational after a disrupted week: When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be - Lao Tzu

Being a woman

As it is women's month, I wanted to pay special tribute to the amazing women who have played a part in my life. Perhaps the roles you have played has not been as I would have chosen. But in every story there needs to be an evil villain - perhaps in my story I just have more than the average princess :) 

There are too many to even attempt to mention by name, but I am cognisant of all the love, the nurturing, the affirmation, the strength, the support they have given me over the years. And by the same token, I am grateful for the jealousy, for the bitterness, for the nasty words, for the tears, the shouts and the screams, as they have all contributed to the woman I am today.

And I am proud of who I am. I am imperfect, I am a work in progress, I can be quick to anger, I can be unapproachable. I can be judgmental, I can be unfair. I can be nasty, and I can be impatient.

But I am loving, I am forgiving. I am constantly trying to fix all the troubles in the world, and stand up for those who are unable to stand up for themselves. I am WOMAN, hear me roar! 

One of my favourite motivationals this Monday - Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away - Maya Angelou

Monday motivational: Your thoughts and beliefs of the past have created this moment, and all moments up to this moment. What you are now choosing to believe and think and say will create the next moment and the next day and the next month and the next year – Louise Hay

Losing Focus

Too many times in my day, I lose focus. I forget what I am doing, I lose sight of what is important, and I find myself doing work that is not critical or in line with my vision and plan for the day. And before you know it, daylight has gone, and tasks are unfinished.

This has become one of my worst habits, and my biggest detractor from feeling satisfied when I leave the office for the afternoon. I find that working very early in the morning keeps me focused, and I love starting with this from around 05h00 - however, then children awake. Animals stir, and the day begins, and before I know it, a hundred emails are in my inbox, clients are on the line, emergencies have arisen, and the best made plans have long been forgotten. 

I have always worked well with a list, but once my list became over one page long, and then over two pages long, I just couldn't work that way anymore. It became overwhelming. I then started to work with a pile, and work through the pile, an item at a time. When my pile started threatening to fall over, I realised that wasn't working either. I am now working with a time and day planner and it requires a lot of discipline and I am realising it is a better solution for me. 

But it is important to find what works for YOU as there is not one solution that works for us all. Get a coach, join some online programs, research, read, but find your how. Find your flow, and find your focus. We are always inclined to believe that we are alone in this life, and that others don't experience the challenges we do. I can assure you, once you start to look, you realise just how similar we all are. 

Stay on track. Stay determined. And be kind to one another.

Monday motivational: Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions - Dalai Lama

Ethics in the Workplace

In a country with the staggering unemployment statistics that South Africa has currently, it is almost unfathomable that people will take employment for granted. And yet, they do. Working in the HR industry, being exposed to the challenges that employers face, on a daily basis, is quite incredible. I remember when I visited a butcher who was a client, many years ago, and was told just exactly how meat gets stolen from the shop by their female employees. I, in my naivety, was absolutely horrified. However, for me, that was due to them wanting to feed their families in a country with inflation absolutely crippling us all. 

The harsh reality is that of the many who are working, and lucky enough to be in employment, they are being paid under the breadline. They need to pay a fortune for their transport, and then they still need to provide for their families. So theft will always be rife where the opportunities present themselves. What can companies do to reduce and eliminate these risks? Firstly, ensure that you are paying your staff market-related salaries. Secondly, ensure that you take all reasonable measures to prevent the margin for theft or the opportunity for irregularities. Thirdly, ensure that all your policies and procedures are in place. These may seem arduous and unnecessary, but that is only until things go wrong. And then one realises that these would have protected both the employee and the employer, as there can be no misunderstanding then, and no grey area.

A handshake and a promise do not carry much weight these days, and people with business ethics are few and far between. So as both an employee and an employee, one has to ensure that the organisation has employee contracts, and policies and procedures, to ensure that business is fair and legal.

Should you be unsure about what policies are necessary and which are nice to have, ensure that you speak to an HR practitioner who is known to have a good reputation in the industry. So many people unfortunately are wanting to make money first and please their clients second, and are inclined to sell you far more than you need. Ask around, ask for references, and make sure that you and those in your employ, are covered.

Monday Motivation: If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on. – Sheryl Sandberg

Monday Motivation: First, have a definite, clear practical; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end. – Aristotle

Monday Motivation: If the wind will not serve, take to the oars. – Latin Proverb

Living and Learning in Life

I am forty years old, and I have run a business with my partner for 16 years. I have two teenage children, one of whom is already a learner driver. So what I am saying is, I am no spring chicken. However, I live a life of constant learning. And I am proud to say that I am driving a vehicle that is constantly evolving, constantly adapting, and always striving to be the best me that I can be.

As part of my commitment to lifelong learning and evolution, I enlist the help of various coaches, mentors and teachers, those who have walked the path I am wanting to, or those with more wisdom than I have. 

Without this assistance, this perspective, and this support, I do not think I would be able to stay focused or steadfast, and I am sure that I would falter. And I am cognisant today, of the value that other people can add to our lives. We are so quick to assume that we have all the answers, that we do not need others in our lives, as they haven't walked our path.

You are right, they haven't - but they share our humanity. Every problem, every hindrance, is solvable by applying similar methods. 

I have always lived my life openly, for others to know of my mistakes, but also of my learning and my lessons. Because when a lot of life happened to me, I was convinced I was the only person to ever experience this, purely because people are ashamed and don't want to open up to others about their perceived weaknesses. So today I encourage you, be brave enough to be yourself. Be strong enough to show your true uniqueness and beauty.

Learn from one another. And be kind to one another. 

Monday motivational: You can't fall if you don't climb. But there's no joy in living your whole life on the ground - Unknown

We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained - Marie Curie

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears – Les Brown

Monday motivational: Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful – Joshua J. Marine

Make a Difference in Someone’s Life

When I looked at this topic, I thought – that’s easy enough. But then I stopped, and the overthinking began. You see, it is simple to make a difference in someone’s life. But I wanted to write about the single biggest effect that you can have on somebody’s life, with the smallest effort or input. Because we want it to be easy, not challenging, and we want to do it with a happy and open heart.

And so, this morning in the shower, it came to me. The biggest and most effective difference you can make in someone’s life, with the smallest effort from you, is to be truthful. To be honest and transparent and gentle with this truth.

So what do I mean? I mean for many of us, we carry around doubts. We carry around insecurities and hurt. And many of these are caused by not knowing. Not knowing why a relationship ended. Not knowing why a friend no longer calls. Being unsure as to why a parent has always held a grudge. Being uncertain as to what caused a rift between you and your sibling. And many times, the old cliché would have applied. It wasn’t you, it was THEM. It was their hurt, it was their doubt, it was their anger or their jealousy, and it actually had very little to even do with you.

I had a friend once who didn’t speak to me for a year, because she was jealous of my parenting skills and abilities. Not that I am saying I am a perfect parent, I am flawed simply in my humanity. But I do try. Every day. And she just resented me because of that and ended up distancing herself for a full 365 days. In that time I was tormented as I didn’t know the possible cause. Imagine my surprise, twelve months later, when I realised that it actually had not been anything horrible I had done to her, or any hurt I had inflicted on her, but her own issue?

And so today, reflect. Who can you unburden by revealing a small truth? Who can you appease with a tiny revelation of information? Be kind to one another. Make a difference in someone’s life.

Monday motivational: If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else - Booker T Washington

Monday motivational: I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough, we must do - Leonardo da Vinci

Monday motivational: Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become endless - Jamie Paolinetti

Being a mom

Being a mother is about so much more than what you imagine. It's about selfless love. It's about never coming first and always coming last. It's about never getting and always giving. It's about sacrifice. It's about fear for the safety of your children. It's about sleepless nights. It's about doing without so they can have. It's about learning to listen when you just want to bury your head under the blankets.  But it's also about so much fulfillment. So much purpose, so much achievement. So much pride, love, appreciation. It changes every part of who you started out as. 

I have been a single mom for fourteen years and it's been a struggle every single day. But I would never even change a thing. I am so grateful to the women in my life who have loved me enough to sacrifice for me, to teach me, to grow me, to mould me.  

To my mom, my aunties, my grannies, my coaches, my mentors, my peers, my ex bosses, my friends, my cousins,  my sisters, my colleagues, my adopted family. I thank every one of you for teaching me. For leading me. For helping me up when I never thought I could walk again.  Bless you all on Mothers Day. For being a mother is not about birthing somebody.  It's about loving somebody enough to put them first. Just for a day. An hour. A minute. For listening when they need you to and showing up when they need it the most. 

Thank you for moulding me into a great woman. Here's to you. Happy mothers day.

Monday motivational: You take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing, no one to blame - Erica Jong

Monday motivational: I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong - Benjamin Franklin

Monday motivational: A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new - Albert Einstein

The Business of Gratitude

So often in life it is far too easy to concentrate on what is wrong. What is hard. What is a battle. What is bringing us down. We are so busy being negative, it is all we can see. And do not be fooled, it happens faster than you know. 

My dog was really sick a few weeks ago. We thought we would lose him. He is much better but has taken to urinating on every square foot of our house. And I have been shrieking like a banshee. Until this morning I sat back and thought - at least he is alive and well and has his bladder function! :) 

And then I started thinking about all the people I share my story with. People I don't see every day, talk to every day, or maybe don't even think about every day. Because I am busy. I am busy building a business. I am busy nurturing a family on my own. Most of all I am busy concentrating on my stress and my misfortune. When the heck did that happen? 

I am blessed to have a Fairy Godmother. And she taught me many things, and one of them is a practice I maintain every day. I write in my gratitude journal. Just one item every morning that I am grateful for. So why, if I am journalling, and I am practicing gratitude, is it a pratice so far from my actions?

The answer is, because it is easy. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself instead of celebrating your successes, however small they are. A friend told me this weekend, that the glass is always refillable. And I LOVED that! What a beautiful notion is that? It doesn't matter if it is flat bottom empty. Fill the dam thing up! 

And so today I want to thank the unsung heroes in my story. To my stepfather, who has changed our family and touched every single one of us impenetrable Coopers with his love for my mother and changed our stories. Seeing our mom nurtured and loved and appreciated is a game changer for us all! 

To our beautiful musical family - our aunt and uncle, who inspire and lead by love, who accept without question and who love their God first and foremost. Thank you to the two of you for loving us and please know how loved and admired and treasured you are to so many. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow night!

And my brother in law. Thank you for being such a big part of our family and for loving my sister and my nephew always. Even when its hard. And for letting us love you, even when it is hard.

To my work colleagues. It has been hard, it has been horrible, and it will continue to be so for the next three weeks but thank you for being a part of my heart at work. And in life. I see you, I acknowledge you and I love you.

To my best friend in Durban. I know your heart. I know your pain. And what has happened to you is not only unfair, it is unfathomable. And yet you carry on, day after day, step after step. We see you. We acknowledge you. And I promise you, you will be rewarded and your load will be lifted. Just carry on my love. One day at a time.

To the person I once called my person. I am proud of you. I know your path is not easy but I know that if anybody has the strength, it is you. It is a game changer. It is a life changer. But YOU have the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. I love you.

My special yellow bone. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for being my sister and letting me love and support you. Our story would not be complete without you in the very middle chapter. 

Tomorrow is never guaranteed and as a family we are well-versed in this. I love you, I see you and I salute you.

Be kind to one another.

Monday motivational: The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person who is doing it - Chinese proverb

Tuesday motivational :) There are no traffic jams along the extra mile - Roger Staubach

It is never too late to be what you might have been – George Eliot

Monday motivational: You become what you believe - Oprah Winfrey

Monday motivational: I would rather die of passion than of boredom - Vincent van Gogh

The turning of the wheel

We have all heard the saying - time waits for no one. How true does this ring for those of us who have lost somebody we loved, those of us who have fallen, those of us who have missed opportunities. To say how we feel, to change the course of our lives, to treasure a missed opportunity?

My father and I, traditionally, share a very rocky relationship. He has not been a physically well person for a very long time, and today he has an operation. Not a life threatening operation by any accounts, but a surgery nonetheless. 

I will go to him tomorrow, as he stays in a town far from my own. But I still find myself wondering, will he be okay? Will the operation be a success? Will we have a tomorrow? 

I strive to live my life being present, feeling every emotion, living every opportunity. But I find myself slipping, holding onto grudges, and reliving that which should have been left far behind. 

We all have a limited time span. We do not know the hour or the day, but somewhere in the future, our hearts will all stop beating. Don't have regrets. Do not allow yourself to wonder. Just live. Love. And be kind to one another. 

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty - Unknown

It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. – Ann Landers

Monday motivational: Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. – Farrah Gray

Monday motivational: The battles that count aren’t the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself – the invisible battles inside all of us – that’s where it’s at. –Jesse Owens

Monday Motivation: Education costs money. But then so does ignorance. – Sir Claus Moser

Monday Motivation: I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. – Rosa Parks

Monday Motivation: It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius