The time you met a complete stranger who changed your life

 9 years ago, VCA was invited to audition for ETV's show on Small Businesses in South Africa, Its My Biz. I auditioned, terrified, and thinking that it was such an amazing experience to do the audition and laughing all the way back to the office about how out of my depth I was. It was in front of a panel, very Dragon's Den-esque, and the lights of the backdrop even burst into flames while we auditioned! All extremely dramatic. I was quite convinced my days in showbiz were finished, until, a few weeks later, I was called and advised that the show would love us to participate. 

My excitement was palpable, and I immediately began office cleaning and reconstruction! On the Monday a crew of 25 strong visited our offices for the part that would give the background of where we currently are, and two weeks later, I needed to go into studio to film the interview section of the episode. 

I arrived 2 hours early... just in case.... and before I knew it I was being whisked into have my makeup done with an ex Miss South Africa and a Fairy Godmother! Talking about makeup brands and power cuts like it was just another day. On the way back up to studio and our briefing session I was introduced to a jewellery icon. I was buzzing from start to finish. We did the studio section and when it was concluded, apart from me walking on air, I was offered some mentorship from the jewellery icon.....  I jumped at the chance. This lady, at first glance, was polar opposite to me. She was well dressed, dripping in absolutely beautiful jewellery, poised, confidant, and extremely successful. I was invited to her offices a few days later for face to face mentorship, and was to discover that we had more in common than I ever would have believed. As do all us women on closer observation. We have all suffered. We have all bled. We have all sacrificed. What matters is how you carry on. How you learn. How you adapt. How you thrive despite your pain body. 

I met 3 ladies that day that will forever have left their impacts. And I am forever grateful for the beautiful serendipity that was It's My Biz. Viva ladies. Viva mentorship. Viva holding out a hand to those who so desperately just need somebody to see them. No act of kindness, however small is ever in vain. Be kind to yourself 

Your anti-bucket list – things you would never do before you die

 I have 2 main fears in life – they are heights and small spaces. And so most of the my anti-bucket list I am sure will come from these two areas.

 

Firstly. I will never throw myself out of a perfectly good airplane. My boyfriend has always had this as one of his must-dos and so I organised him a surprise jump for Valentines day this year. He was absolutely ecstatic and enjoyed every single moment. With every fibre in his being. But for me, watching that plane climb so high that it felt as though my head might pop off just from the sheer angle of trying to keep him in sight, and the way my gut felt when I could no longer even spot the small plane carrying such precious cargo, it became even clearer to me that this is just not something for me.

 

Secondly, I have a friend wanting to take said precious cargo for a plane ride in a VERY small plane that my friend built himself. When I told my boyfriend about this plan that we had been brewing, he was ecstatic at the prospect and cannot wait for the day! My heart wants to escape my chest at the very thought – so that would indeed be number 2 on my anti-bucket list.

 

I will never walk on a bridge with visible holes through slats, or on a glass bridge. Ever. I will not throw myself off a bridge, or even a medium-sized building.

 

I will not participate in any competition where I need to eat something that comes out of a hole or a nest or a tree root 😊

 

This may mean that I have a decidedly boring old age to look forward to, but look forward to it I do!  

What advice would you give to your younger self

 

What a hard question to answer. I would love to protect myself from all the heartbreak. Stop myself from walking down the paths that would just lead to sadness and disappointment. Avoid meeting the wrong people and making devastating decisions. Ones that would have an impact on my life forever.

 

However, without these I would never have learned the very valuable lessons I have in my life.  I would never have known what was good. I would never have known what made me happy. I would never have known what to stay away from and where to gravitate. I would not have known how to fill my cup and how to keep my heart safe.

 

So I guess that my advice would not be around what to do and where to go. It would be about my state of mind. And my state of self. I would have reassured myself from a young age that no matter how many people say they don’t love me, I will always be loved by ME. That no matter how unstable the world around me felt, the Universe would always have my back. And when I fell, I would still be able to see the stars. That the people that I met along my journey would be my greatest teachers. My greatest allies. My greatest deceptors. My biggest hurts and my biggest loves. Just to always remember that everything I needed was right inside. And I only had to reach inside and it would be right where I needed it to be.

 

And always just to be kind to myself. I am doing the very best I can.

What books I read in 2021 and why?

 

Well, for somebody who is an avid reader, and a fierce advocate for reading…. The answer is quite simple. NONE! Not even one. Even during lockdown I just couldn’t face it. So writing this piece makes me feel like a bit of a fraud and a phony.

 

I did try to red fiction. I started a few books, and I put them down. my books of choice are usually around entrepreneurs, business magnates, and trailblazers in their spaces. Because they all have so much that we can all learn from them.

 

Perhaps its now time to make a commitment, to myself and to those around me, that 2022 will be the year I bring my reading back to life. Instead of reading, I have been watching television. Hours and hours of nonsense, of reality shows based in countries I don’t live in, escapism at its finest. And yet I have a perfectly wonderful reality. I love my job, I adore my family, and have the most amazing partner. So what on earth am I escaping from?

 

Well, for me, it seems quite simple. I am running away from war, from covid, from death, greed and destruction. How much are we as human beings supposed to endure all at the same time? we already live in a country where devastation and poverty and corruption is part of our everyday narrative. Reality, for the past 2 years, has been incredibly harsh to exist in.

 

But today I avow that I will rediscover my love and passion for reading. I have  book entitled The Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz, that has been peering at me from my bookshelf or literal years. And that is my first commitment. That within the next 2 weeks, I will pop the cherry and I will get back into the saddle of the world I once loved.

 

Because we have to. We need to get back up, we need to dust ourselves off, and we need to be better, for ourselves, and for the environment around us that we can control. After all, that’s all we can do.

Overcoming bad habits

I think before we can talk about overcoming them, we need to identify them.

 

For example, if I chew my nails and it doesn’t bug me at all, is it really a bad habit?

 

Are bad habits only those things we ourselves identify as being bad for us, or is it also those around us?

 

I googled the definition and it simply states:

A bad habit is a negative behaviour pattern. Common examples include: procrastination, overspending and nail-biting.

 

So I can say, straight off the bat, that I bite my nails, I smoke, and I procrastinate. Just sitting down to write this very piece, ironically, took way longer than it should have. And how do I overcome my bad habits? I find ways around them. I put tips on my nails, so that I cannot bite them. I make lists and allocate timeslots, so that I cannot shirk the more arduous tasks. I mean, we all do it. We would much rather stall on the tasks that make us think, be vulnerable, or involve a lot of meticulous detail. Because the other stuff is just easier. Right? WRONG! The more we avoid, and deny, and shirk, the more scary these monsters become for us to overcome and confront instead of just approaching them as the next on our task list.

 

What about your smoking, you may ask… well, my smoking is an awful habit. A crutch. Something that affects those around me, and that affects my health. And yet, I have been unable to overcome it.  I think that to overcome the habit, one has to have a need or desire to, that is greater than the habit at hand. And for now, my need and my want is just not greater

 

Do you have any tips, or any habits that you have overcome?

How to stay motivated despite obstacles in your personal and work life

  

Motivation is something that we require all through our lives. As children, as teenagers, and as adults. To do well, to prosper, to rebel, to succeed, to learn, to be healthy, even to crawl.

 

Its an innate desire in us to be more. To not just lie, but to sit. To not just sit, but to crawl, and then to walk.

 

When we start school, we don’t just want to be in the next Grade. We want to be in the next chapter. Grown up. In high school. A teenager. A teacher. We have this desire, and this desire fuels our motivation.

 

We grow into young adults. We see people driving beautiful cars, with lovely homes of their own. Dressed in gorgeous clothing. This motivates us to become employed. To do well in our employment, and to earn more. Perhaps this motivates us to study, so that we can afford what these other people have to, and be afforded their opportunities.

 

Possibly, material wealth is not something that you aspire to. Maybe you dream of travelling. Helping those less fortunate. Your values are what will motivate you to get involved. To say something. To speak up. You may have people in your family, or community, who need your assistance by means of mentorship. Guidance. This may motivate you to reach out. To dedicate time and resources to build them up.

 

Whatever it is that speaks to your heart, your values and your family history, is what will be your motivation.  It gets more complicated though. We forget that we need to have holistic motivation. We focus on one area and forget the others. We become so focused on helping others, we forget about helping ourselves. So driven to making our head smart and excelling in the workplace that we forget about our physical wellbeing. Motivation needs to be on being the best person you can be. In every aspect of your human experience.

 

And so, what motivates me?  At 45, I have realised that I have to be a whole human being. And not a one sided human doing. Being able to achieve as much as I possibly can on this trip in this human experience, means I have to look after the whole of Hayley. Body, mind and soul. What keeps me motivated? Coaches. Mentors. Self-study, and being inspired. Setting goals; for the day, the week, the month and the year. And although I lose focus and my way, always coming back to those and remembering just who I am, where I have been, and where I want to go.

 

Be kind to yourself

Why do you need a Coach or Mentor in the Start-Up Stages of your Business?

 

The answer may be that you don’t. In my early days as a business owner, I didn’t. do I wish I had? Absolutely. Why? Because the amount I have paid in school fees as a result is staggering. I have had to learn everything I know by bumping my head. Over and over again. Why? Because consultants are expensive! I cant afford to pay somebody that kind of money!

 

But the truth is, that even two sessions with a coach who owns their own business, or who specialises in this, is absolutely invaluable.

 

We all think that our business are unique. Nobody else has a business quite like ours. Our issues are different. Our needs are unlike anybody else’s. Guess what? The business that sells diamonds and the business that services cars has EXACTLY the same intrinsic needs. The business that sells vetkoeks on the corner and the butchery, have the same deliverables in terms of tax, in terms of legislation, in terms of staff.

 

Find a coach that resonates with you. Somebody who gets your personality, and that you feel that you click with. Don’t waste time on Google. Use a search engine like Bark, or ask your friends for referrals. Remember that a coach is not a one size fits all. There are different coaches for different things. Weight loss specialists, business coaches, relationship coaches, financial coaches. Explore their rates. Talk to them about outputs and deliverables, and get going.

 

Do not wait to learn these lessons yourself, they will put you back years. Do not listen to your neighbours, best friends or lovers. Get a professional and get a plan.

Share a mentee success story

I have mentored so many people over my career, so its hard to just share one. I would rather discuss how we have mentored people internally within our organisation over the years, and the success story they all wrote. In particular, two ladies.

 

One, lets call her Sandra, came to work for VCA at the tender age of 18. Her mother was a caregiver to my granny, who had gone blind, and used to come with my granny for family lunches. One day she told us how Sandra was battling to find work, and that nobody was willing to give her a chance. At the time we were not in need of any staff members, but decided to let her come in for some experiential workplace time. She said we didn’t even need to pay her, just giving her a chance was enough.

 

She started the next Monday. Wet behind the ears and very eager to learn. Sandra ended up working for VCA for nearly 10 years. She was the first person in her family to obtain a diploma, or any tertiary education. She was the first person in her family to get a driver’s licence, and to buy her own car, and then she became the first person in her family to buy a property. Eventually, Sandra left for a bigger corporate, that could provide her with more growth than we had been able to.  But what a feeling, knowing that single-handedly, you had that impact in her life.

 

The second lady, we will call her Monique. Monique came to us as a little shadow of a woman, in an abusive marriage, with no self confidence at all. This was evident in her demeanour, in her dress, in her style, and in her eyes. She came as a part-time bookkeeper, but again we soon spotted the raw talent in Monique, who at this stage had been retrenched twice, had two small children, and was in dire need of a job. She was hungry and ambitious and with the right coaching, Monique became a force to be reckoned with. She obtained her first post-matric qualification, managed to leave her husband, get divorced, rent her first place of her own ever, and buy a new car. Monique was unfortunately poached by one of our clients, but such is the way of the world, always a bigger fish.

 

Just the stories of these two women makes me beam with pride. It is stories we forget, we dismiss, as part of the job, and part of what small businesses do. But we forget that in this way, we change narratives forever. We do not just have an effect on the employee, but their spouses, children, mothers, fathers, siblings. We have an effect on their communities, and eventually, as our small ripple expands, our country.

 

Lets not forget our stories, or our small or large successes, but celebrate them and recall them with pride.

 

 

 

Best memories of 2021

2021 was, for many people, the worst year of their lives. I guess many years pre-COVID were the same, for different people, and different reasons.

 

But I have to say that I have very few negative or bad memories from these 12 months.

 

My family were healthy, we had a roof over our heads, and we retained our employment.

 

My daughter travelled further in North America, while au-pairing, my two sisters managed to keep their businesses afloat, my son moved to a family farm.

 

But my own personal best memory of 2021, was re-meeting an acquaintance, who I had met in 2020, through mutual friends. Somebody who I came to be talking to, quite by chance. We ended up spending time together, as friends. During a global pandemic. With a curfew. So movies between 6 and 8 and home by 9. Wearing masks, and eating frozen pizza.  And laughing. Continually. About everything and anything. And learning. About ourselves. About what makes us happy and what has made us sad. What makes us passionate and what makes us furiously passionate. We spent weeks and then months in each other’s company. Just being. Authentic. Open. With no agenda and no need for any mask or pretence.

 

During this unprecedented time, before we actually could even prepare ourselves, or before we had even realised it, we fell in love. Not a slow and steady awareness, but a deep and no turning back kind of oh my SHIT what just happened kind of love. I believe I have met my soulmate. So for me, the nights spent laughing at the size of the moon, or pondering the fate of the Star Wars saga, or just watching mindless nonsense on TV over burnt frozen pizza are my favourite from 2021.

 

And I cannot wait to see what 2022 brings us!

 

 

PRODUCTIVITY TIPS

 

We are faced with distractions. All day. From the moment we wake up, with our phones next to us as our alarms, we are shown notifications. On the weather, from social media sites, to how full your phone’s memory is.

 

We then climb into our transport to work, be it public, or shared, or our own cars. Here we have the radio, people we can chat to, or WhatsApp messages.

 

When we arrive at our workplace, we have access perhaps to Wi-Fi, so more opportunity for social media to sway our focus, we have colleagues to chat to, perhaps coffee to make, weekend plans to make, that mound of filing we have been ignoring. And before we know it, we have lost an hour, or more.

 

Productivity is also influenced by your health. If you are feeling ill, or sore, you will find any excuse to take longer to do a task. To be more easily side-tracked. To put things off longer than they should be. If your home environment, or even work environment, is not optimal, the same thing will occur. You will find your mind easily strayed and constantly going back to the issue at hand

 

These things are all a part of being human. Nobody is immune to having these things crop up. The trick is to be aware. Be aware of your actions. Of looking for excuses. Of pushing back deadlines. And start to train yourself.  One of my life teachers and mentors always uses the words ‘How Fascinating’ when things are not going according to plan. When you feel your thoughts drifting off to the clouds, or home, or the office next door, just say as loudly or softly as you like, HOW FASCINATING! I am busy with x but keep thinking about y! and just keep bringing your consciousness back to the task at hand.

 

For me there are no real tips, except, be conscious, and be prepared. Plan your day, your week, your month. So that you know what you need to deliver on and by when. That way, you can prioritise, and break your tasks into bite-size chunks. After all, the best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. So should you want to write a book, break the task into chapters. Plan the skeleton of your book, considering what you would like to write about, and cover in each chapter. That way it will seem much more palatable and achievable than one huge mountain ahead of you.

 

If you do not finish what needs to be completed today, always remember that your task will spill over to the next day, and have a snowball effect.

 

Plan. Prioritise, and be aware. There is no uniform approach so just find what works for you and always strive to be better today than you were yesterday. And be kind to one another.