When do you need to work on you?

As human beings, it is very easy to identify shortcomings in those around us. They laugh too loudly, sniff too often, have a voice that’s far too high pitched. They brag, they gossip, they may even just irritate you for no real reason.

Conversely, it is also very easy to see the areas of development within ourselves. Our inner critic screams louder than any voice around us. Even Karen with the high-pitched voice! It drowns out the logic, it smothers the compliments and truths from others around us and convinces us that we are just plain horrid.

So I guess the answer I have to the question, is that it is always the right time to work on you. The only relationships you will have from the day you are born to the day you die is your relationship with money, and with yourself. Personally, my journey of working on me only began about 7 years ago. Up until then I hadn’t really even been aware of the momentous and incredible journey of self-love, self-discovery, and personal growth. I didn’t realise that there was a world so much greater than school, tertiary, or straight to work, and then career.

I didn’t realise that you actually needed to nurture the girl inside. Coax her away from her demons. Unlearn past behaviours. Reteach new ones. School her in self-love, self-appreciation, and instead of slamming her, loving her and building her up to new and incredible heights. For me it started with some amazing motivational speakers, which evolved into reading some incredible books. WOW! So many contrasting beliefs, so many varied viewpoints, making my mind stretch and bend and curve.

Into finding people on the same journey as me. Finding souls to coach, and to grow. Finding mentors who could pull me up, mould me, and grow me. Discovering people who were on the same path as I was.

I lost many people when I started this journey. People who did not share my desire for growth. People who found it weird that I could even consider growing or changing at my ripe old age. But man oh man, the people I have collected since! The amazing menagerie of the tribe I have amassed.

So the answer for me is simple. The time to work on you is always, unquestionably, now. You will slip, you will lose sight and focus. But you will always find your way back. There is no greater love than self-love. Be kind to yourself.

Locked down

Feelings flood over me
Through me
Unwanted
Undesired
Unloved
Not enough
Insufficient
Inarticulate
Rejected
Things I vowed to never feel again
Yet here these perfect strangers are once more
Knocking on the door
Jeering at me
Provoking me
Wondering how I ever deemed id be worthy some day
Worthy of being adored
Worthy of being supported
Worthy of being accepted for the unholy mess of the kaleidoscope I surely am
Voices inside
Talking so loudly I cannot hear others speak
I can hear words but do not feel them
I can see things but I dont resonate with them
As though I'm dying in my core. Slowly. Dying once more
Just wanting to be enough
Wanting to make somebody's world spin on it's very axis
Just by me being me
I'm a joke
A has been
A may never even have existed
I thought I rose like a Phoenix
Instead I am the swamp
I drag people down into my depths
I drown them
I take away their light
Kill their joy
Twist their happiness not just their words
Drive them away like cattle
I eclipse their sun and pull their energy into the black hole that is my heart
That is my energy
That is me.
I will never be the person who takes my life force away
But do I even have it to begin with
Did I ever have the sunshine at my back
Could I ever be a sunrise to another
A starry night
A smile
A reason to be more
I try. I fight against the quicksand but it always comes back for me
Never allowing me to breathe. Never allowing me the slighest respite
Constantly reminding me who my demons are and where they reside
In my core. The prison I created for them