If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. – Oprah Winfrey

COMPASSION

Compassion is a big, bold, relevant word for me today, and for most people at this time of year. The word means sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others. I have a sign above my stove that reads “Be kind to others always, for you do not know their troubles”.

Five years ago today, my brother in law was murdered. He passed away in my sister’s arms. They were both 26 at the time. It tore her world apart from the very seems, after being in a loving relationship, the envy of everybody who knew them, for the ten years before then. She has never recovered, and nor will she ever. But she has learned to carry on. To get up in the morning (maybe not having slept the night before), but to get up. To go to work. She is a doctor, and so passionate and talented about what she does. She goes to work every day, to treat people, to help people, to make their lives better. She has learned to smile, through the tears.

And if you see her out and about today, you will not know her heartache. As she goes to work, and as you lie on her table, you will not feel her pain. You will not know of her great loss of her great love. But it is there. The pain is there.  So if you are her patient today, if you help her at the cashier today when she comes in to buy some coffee, if you pass her on the street, or brush past her in the parking lot; pause. Stop, and smile. Let your eyes meet hers, let your mouth curve up with acknowledgment. We are all facing troubles our neighbours know nothing about. Be kind to one another. 

Monday Motivation: Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. – Dalai Lama

2016

With only 32 days left of 2016, have you left your mark? Have you done your best, loved your hardest, exceeded your own expectations? Have you laughed as much as you can, hugged as often as you could, reaffirmed and strengthened others as much as possible? 

This year has been an immensely trying year for most. How do you then get up and carry on? Smile, wave, and carry on down the path? 

I turned 40 this year, so for me it was a big milestone. Where others have expressed depression and extreme sadness, i felt nothing but happiness. It felt as though so much of my learning, my mistakes, my sadness, my disappointment, could be left behind in the first half of my life, and I could use the next half to truly be the Hayley I knew I wanted to be.

This year was also marred by a massive sadness for our family, as we lost our precious cousin, before he was able to see his 29th birthday in. How this has shattered his mom, and his dad and sisters, only they truly know. The pain and suffering that death brings with it, still takes me by surprise. The utter heart wrenching breathlessness, that overtakes you, and clutches at your very soul in your darkest moments, are something that you can never explain to anybody unless they too have walked that path. Just this weekend, we as a family had a tattoo done in cognisance of those suffering with depression and addiction. Pierre may have ceased to walk among us in 2017, but he is in our hearts, and on our skins, forever. 

2016 also marks 5 years since we tragically lost my brother in law. Not a day goes by when I do not think of him, mourn him, laugh at memories, and feel the unbearable pain of his loss. Murder is an act that is absolutely in opposition to any kind of human emotion. To take somebody's life in cold blood, and to snuff it out, is unforgivable and the people who perform such an act, deserve a special kind of hell. The damage done to a family, to the people left behind, one cannot explain. Five years Wayne next week and yet you are as much a part of us now as ever. We love you and we miss you.

And yet with so much ugliness and pain and hurt, I am still a mommy to two amazing children, one of whom has a prize giving this week, in which we are hoping for prefectship, and another who has a prize giving next week. I am their support, their cheerleader, their teacher, their mentor, their punisher, scolder, conscience, and their very life. It is my God-given duty to ensure that they feel nothing but cherished, safe, and whole, and I work every single day to make that my goal. I slip, I fall, and I fail, but nothing keeps me down for long, as this is one battle I refuse to lose.

Life is a combination of so much hurt, so much ugliness, and so much beauty. Try hard to not lose focus, and sight of that beauty. And so as 2016 draws to a close, don't leave regrets behind you. Leave only satisfaction, peace, contentment and love. Be kind to one another <3

Monday Motivation: You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. – Maya Angelou

Monday motivational: Dream big and dare to fail. – Norman Vaughan

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. – Teddy Roosevelt

Our Mastermind Group

Two years ago, one of my amazing teachers, The Fairy Godmother Donna Mc Callum, recommended I read a book called Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. 

This book changed my life. In it he speaks about something called a “master mind alliance.” He goes on to describe a mastermind group as, “A friendly alliance with one or more persons who will encourage one to follow through with both plan and purpose.”

Why does he call it a master mind alliance, compared to the more modern phrase, mastermind group? Hill originally said that when two people got together, a third mind, the Master Mind, was created. To him, it was a separate force in the conversation. Over the past 85 years, it’s morphed from “master mind alliance” to “mastermind group,” but the meaning and underlying principles are still the same.

To Hill mastermind groups are established to help create an environment that nurtures and supports growth. He believed that a harmonious groups of two or more people who come together for a specific purpose, or around a specific topic, bring forth the power of creativity and support that you can’t find when you go it alone.

I have since started my own Mastermind Group. A group of Femtrepeneurs who come together once a month and discuss business ideas, challenges, suggestions and proposals. They are all in different sectors of business and therefore the threat of somebody stealing their idea or stomping on their turf is the farthest thing from their mind.

In a large business, there are resources of minds and experience and a 'safe place' to think and brainstorm, as everybody is working towards a common goal. A similar destination.  

A mastermind is your own resource. Your own board of Directors. There to challenge you, support you, learn with you and assist you to get real results. 

To take my Mastermind Readiness Test please send a mail to info@veldcooper.com and we will send you your free test! 

Success is not for everyone. Neither is greatness. But the journey is compulsory so you may as well make it count! 

Be kind to one another. 

Monday Motivation: If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. – Tony Robbins

Monday Motivation: Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. – Gloria Steinem

Saying thank you

A year ago, to the day, I had a double mastectomy. This was proceeded by years of pain, years of problems and years of complications. I had finally found the correct doctor for my problem and she was taking the RIGHT action. Despite me knowing that this was going to be for the best, I could not help but be terrified.

What would happen to me? How would this affect my life? Would I ever be able to find a partner again? Would I ever be attractive again? How would my form and silhouette be influenced?

Fears aside, one of the bravest people I know, my Angela, drove me to the hospital that day. She sat with me, she help my hand, she made me laughed, she wiped my tears. She even gave me red lipstick to wear. I was wheeled in and I lost my breasts and my left nipple. The plastic surgeon attempted to give me one and so my right nipple was also affected as she took tissue from the area.

The pain was excruciating and the recovery, weeks, and months. The trips back to the wound and dressing department of the Milpark, the assistance and love and care from my neighbour, Jackie, as she took me backwards and forwards week after week, sometimes twice in the same week. The exhaustion of medical aid, the exhaustion of ME, as I could not sleep, and had a drain.

The amazing friends, Erica and Janine, who came and brought me food when I was unable to care for my children myself, they stepped in. My amazing daughter who bathed me, who dressed me, who never once complained. To her I will be eternally grateful. My Ish who without fail messaged me every day to see how I was.

And then one day my amazing mentor and friend, Eugenie, put me into contact with an amazing breast coach, situated in Trinidad and Tobago, Nicole. Nicole forced me to look at my body, to acknowledge what I looked for, and what had happened, and to mourn. She changed my self-perception and my self-appreciation and continues to work on me with love and patience.

I am now at a stage where the amazing and talented Charmaine is tattooing me and helping me to come full circle. To give me nipples again where before there was only skin. Is this a matter of pride? Most definitely NOT. Its a matter of femininity. Of identity. Of self.

So I did not have cancer. And my journey did not include chemotherapy or radiation and at no stage was my life in imminent danger. But my identity, my self, and my very soul were.

And today I say thank you to those souls who gave me so much at a time when I had so little to give back. I love and I thank you.

Monday Motivation: You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try. - Beverley Sills

Self acceptance

This phrase is a double-edged sword for me. In principal it is such a beautiful sentiment, such a life-changing state of mind. And yet in practice, easier said than done!

Why is it that we can accept others so easily. Flaws and all. They can hurt us, disappoint us, let us down repeatedly and yet, most times, we accept them back with arms wide open only to have it done again! 

And yet if you let yourself down, just once. If you fail. If you forget, if you fall, what do you say to yourself? Stupid woman! There you are, letting everybody down AGAIN! You are such a disappointment. You always fail. It may be the first time you have even tried this particular task but those voices will make sure you realise just how pitiful and disappointing you are.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we treat ourselves any less than we would treat those friends who disappoint? Do we not deserve love and affirmation too? This year, this is my goal. Total self-acceptance. When I fall, I will make sure I am the first person to pick myself up, and the same rules will apply to Hayley as they do to those around her. Love and acceptance and confidence.

Go out there and try it, and above all, love YOURSELF! Be kind to one another. 

Monday motivational: Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday Motivation: Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. – Grandma Moses

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Monday Motivation: The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand

Hayley Hynd: Moments in time

Hayley Hynd: Moments in time: Is it not funny how life passes you by. You get up in the morning, get dressed, go through the motions. Until, there is a moment. A moment y...

Moments in time

Is it not funny how life passes you by. You get up in the morning, get dressed, go through the motions. Until, there is a moment. A moment you know that you will remember forever. Unfortunately, these are often the not so nice moments. The last time you saw a loved one before they passed, the last words you exchanged with a friend before the friendship ended, the last word in an argument.

But every so often, comes a moment where you glow with pride. Where your very soul takes a bow and says - YOU ROCK CHICK. These are the moments that make life worth living. When last did you have one of them? When last were you even looking for them?

Be conscious, it is in the every day small things that these pieces of glowing satisfaction can most often be found.

Go back, remember your worth, look in the mirror, and remember how hard you have had to fight to be standing right now. And never ever look back. You are worthy!

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it – Henry Ford

Monday Motivation: Change your thoughts and you change your world. - Norman Vincent Peale

Monday motivational: Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I am possible' - Audrey Hepburn

Monday motivational: Our human compassion binds us the one to the other - not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future - Nelson Mandela

The art of relaxation

To relax sounds like the easiest thing in the world. 'Just relax'! 'I cannot wait to get home and just relax'. All so simple. And yet when one really sits down to it, and embarks on this relaxation journey, you realise just how difficult it is in practice! To quiet your mind, to be present and still in the moment. To do nothing but just be.

One imagines that to relax, you need to be in a Radox bath, with lit candles, and Tibetan monks humming sweet nothings through the speakers. Or alone on a beach, with the waves crashing at your feet and nothing but miles of sea before you. Perhaps your idea of relaxation is like mine, being in nature and hearing the sounds of birds and insects all around you.

In truth, relaxation is something that should flow from your very soul. Wherever you are, and whatever you are doing. Stress is a killer and something that is forever knocking at our front doors. To be able to relax, we need to be healthy. To be healthy we have to fuel our bodies and minds with appropriate energy. We need positivity all around us. We must stay clear of the negative news, energies and hypes that it is so easy to be sucked into. Perhaps we need to stay clear of social media even, and the television. 

We need to be kind to ourselves, and to be kind to one another.

And in the interim, just relax. :)

Monday motivational: Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing - Benjamin Franklin

A Big Money Love Story

Monday motivational: If you can dream it, you can achieve it - Zig Ziglar

Monday motivational: Teach thy tongue to say 'I do not know', and thou shalt progress - Maimonides

Few things can help an individual more than to place responsibility on him, and to let him know that you trust him - Booker T. Washington

Monday motivational: Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage – Anais Nin

It's our birthday!

 In June 2016, we celebrate VCA being twenty years old. It’s hard to believe, looking back, that time has passed like it has. But, it’s a fact. Our baby, our livelihood, our passion, is no longer a teen, and is a fifth of a century old.

The organisation was started by Veld Cooper, with his origins in Anglo American as the Financial Manager of the Gold and Uranium Division. Veld saw a real need in the market for upliftment and upskilling and education and most importantly, communication. A way to fill all the gaps the birth of our democracy had left. And so, VCA was born. We started in the spaces of mentoring, and career counselling, and with the launch of the Skills Development legislation just before the change of the Millennium, we found where we identified. What we were passionate about. Changing people’s lives through training and development.

Gwen was instrumental in the launch of the organisation, and assumed the role of MD more than 12 years ago now. She is a wonderful pilot and guardian and the company has grown and changed and adapted over the years, but always held on to our ‘Reputation Built on Service Excellence’.

We have had many amazing staff members over the years, who we have grown, empowered, and built, and we are proud of them and the legacy we have left in their lives. As Nelson Mandela said ‘Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.’ And as a small organisation, based on the East Rand, we believe that we have changed the world. Our world, and the world of many citizens we have had the pleasure of working with in one way or another, over the years.

We are grateful for the opportunities we have been afforded and we look forward to continue to live our legacy, continuing to be deeply grateful for every client, supplier, or staff member, for you have allowed us to work in this space. Thank you. Viva VCA Viva!

Monday motivational: Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart - Ancient Indian Proverb

Monday motivational: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

Monday motivational: I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do - Leonardo da Vinci

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money - Abigail van Buren

The BusYness of Deadlines

Are we as human beings not funny creatures. Give us a deadline, and we will work towards it diligently. Meaning that we will desperately grab as it two days before, realise there is two week's work involved, and run around like a crazed maniac trying to get the job done.

Why do we never plan? Allow enough time?

We are so desperate to make tight deadlines, have people around us believe we are way too important, answer all calls to our cellphones, reply to all emails sent our way. Why? Why do we battle so much to focus on the important areas in our lives, and honour ourselves along the way? 

It is almost as though we deliberately sabotage ourselves by knowing we will burn out. Knowing we will rant and rave, shout and scream, at all in our path, as we hurtle towards the finish line. And yet we continue to perform in the same way.

Personally I believe time management, and planning, is the most important gift you can give yourself, your family, and the organisation you work for, be it your own or somebody else's.

After all, is this not you being kind to one another? Have a beautiful Worker's Day! 

Monday motivational: Either you run the day, or the day runs you – Jim Rohn

Monday motivational: I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear - Rosa Parks

The business of loving yourself

I recently had a life and body-altering operation. In fact, six months ago today. And I was left feeling very confused and disorientated. After all, I am 39 years old. It is a long time to have been in this body. I learned first hand that what our minds and our souls do, is block the difference. We do not acknowledge the mirror, we carry on as though our head is the only part of our body that still exists. 

This is obviously not healthy, and definitely not the way to heal. But I think in today's world where we are encouraged to fit in, conform, and be the same as all the others around us, it is instinctive to want to protect ourselves. To camouflage our weaknesses and short-comings, and to deny that there is anything lacking at all. 

However, this is not sustainable. Nobody can flourish or grow in an environment within our hearts that labels us as ugly, imperfect, unworthy. You need to take the time to wallow. It's part of the process. But then.... it's time to stop the pity party, strip the restraints, and take the bull by the horns. 

Look into that mirror. Examine yourself from every angle. Know exactly what it is you are dealing with. In all aspects of your life. And then, do something about it. Take action. Move forward. Never stop improving, working, loving. 

And above all, always, be kind to yourself. 

Monday motivational: Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is - Vince Lombardi

Eighty percent of success is showing up - Woody Allen

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful - Joshua J Marine

Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless - Jamie Paolinetti

What are our rights as humans?

Living in a country where there is so much violence, as citizens and as people we have almost become immune. And yet so much abuse goes on around us and in our circles every day.

Emotional abuse between lovers,

Abuse of power by employers, teachers, principals

Physical abuse by owners to pets, husbands to wives, wives to husbands

Abuse of our resources - leaking taps, rubbish discarded from our windows and thrown on our streets.

As the supreme beings on this planet, we get to pick. We get to pick how we treat every living thing with less power than us. So for those of us who are angry, hurt, abandoned, unloved, often we choose to inflict the same on those less powerful.

A quick kick to the dog on the corner. A hurtful word to the young child in need of guidance. 

As humans, we have so many rights. And yet how many of those are taken from us by those in our every day circles?

Today I urge you to think about this, and to start to say NO! No more will you take the nastiness, and the hurt, and push it to those around you. As from now, look at the people in your life, and decide to treat them in the very way you want to be treated.

Give them a hug, throw them a smile, lower the tone of your voice. 

Our country and our world so badly needs love. Let this difference start with you.

Remember always:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Be kind to one another 

Monday motivational: The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any - Alice Walker

Together, we can move mountains

On Saturday I attended a Mentoring Walk, celebrating International Women's Day. I was fortunate enough to have four people from my team come and support and assist us all. 

What a fabulous, meaningful day was had by all. 

A group of 70 people, walking in solidarity with over 80 other countries nationally! The energy and the buzz in the room was undeniable and absolutely amazing. Always such a privilege to be involved in such a project and I was assigned two beautiful souls to guide and mentor. 

The message which came out of this day, over and over, was BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

And so I challenge you, in a world so full of resentment, bitterness and anger, to cast that aside and to go against the grain. Love, cherish, nurture, and be kind to one another

Till next time xx

Monday motivational: I would rather die of passion than of boredom - Vincent Van Gogh

Monday motivational: Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning - Gloria Steinem

Monday motivational: Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right – Henry Ford

Monday motivational: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined - Henry David Thoreau

Self-Love

Valentine's day, in fact the entire month of February, is centered around love. Who do you love. Who will love you enough to buy you presents. When will the person who secretly loves you decide to confess. To be honest, a whole lot of unnecessary pressure.

For me, the very bittersweet lesson the Universe has taught me over the last few months, is that none of this matters. Not even one slight bit, without SELF-LOVE.

We are taught and conditioned from very early on that what society thinks of us is paramount. Truthfully, what society thinks of us is NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 

What matters is what YOUR heart speaks to your brain at the end of the day. When you are lying in bed and it is just you and the night. What do you hear? That you are ugly, worthless, fat, inferior? Inferior compared to who? The person next to you? Your neighbour? Your colleague? The truth is, none of this matters. Their stories, their truths, are for their ears only.

The best story you can tell yourself, is one of beauty. Because the truth is, each one of us were created with infinite internal beauty. Infinite light and love. Never ever let your light be dimmed, or your story made irrelevant or inferior. Shine, shine and shine again. 

I would like to end with my favourite Marianne Williamson quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

Have a wonderful Valentine's weekend. And love yourself.

Monday motivational: First, have a definite, clear practical ideal; a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end - Aristotle

Monday motivational: When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us - Helen Keller

Kindness

Today I was reminded in a very powerful way that each and every day we make decisions about all types of things. From what to make for dinner, to what to wear. And some days, we need to make the decision to carry on. To walk another mile, to see another sunset and to never give up. Life is so difficult and hurdles keep getting thrown at us. Coupled with living in a broken, battered and bruised world. But I want to say, it's always worth it. Even when you cannot see a way out, know that it's there. That the sun will rise, and that whatever your secret pain, it will be appeased. Be there for the people in your life, let them know they are not alone.

'Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always'.