Sometimes I feel heavy, as weighted as a stone sinking through water
And I find myself wondering, am I destined to remain a stone, and sink to the depths or despair and loneliness,
or am I destined to struggle, kick and fight my way to the surface, to happiness?
I know that I want to be the swimmer, not the sinker,
But I have to find the buoyancy to stay afloat in the torrent of water we call LIFE
Dedicated to the successful completion of my destiny
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Monday, February 26, 2018
Is there power in forgiveness
People are quick to tell you – forgive and forget. It is an old adage. However, personally, I battle with this.
When so many people seem to do you wrong, when so many people seem out to hurt you, I like to hold on to the disappointment.
So that when I see said person, it will be fresh at the top of my memory exactly how this person betrayed my trust. Dates and time will be a little foggy, but the Act itself will be vivid.
Why would I want to hold on to these acts? Why would I want to remember how I have been betrayed, let down, misused? I don’t have the answer to this, perhaps it has to do with continually giving too much. Never asking why, just always doing. Assisting. Helping. Sacrificing. I think that holding on to this record of wrong-doings helps me to remember that I have done my share.
I have assisted friends, family members, colleagues, much more than my fair share. It helps me to remember that I am a good person, after all look at all I have done!
However, one of my mentors recently pointed out to me how heavy my burden is, if I insist on carrying everybody’s wrongdoings around with me. My bag just expands and expands as I open it wider and wider and pack everybody’s trespasses against me into it. My back nearly caving under the weight, but very determined to lug it around, lest I forget what somebody did against me in 1995. She encouraged me to let it go, to give each person what belongs to them. To unpack it, and leave each item at the feet of those it belonged to, as it no longer belonged to me, and has never served me.
I duly did this, in my mind, and in my soul, consciously severing the ties that bound me to these people. Letting go of the anger and resentment that I felt. It really did help me when I realised that these people had not done these things on purpose. They had not deliberately wanted to be nasty to me. A lot of the actions could not even be remembered by the perpetrators and yet here I was, silently planning their demise.
At nobody’s detriment but my own. Having that cancer, that anger, that hatred inside me every day only hurt me. It brought MY energy down, shifted my space in the universe. Do not give power to the negative. Let it go. Embrace the positive, embrace forgiveness, embrace walking into the future weightless.
And be kind to one another.
When so many people seem to do you wrong, when so many people seem out to hurt you, I like to hold on to the disappointment.
So that when I see said person, it will be fresh at the top of my memory exactly how this person betrayed my trust. Dates and time will be a little foggy, but the Act itself will be vivid.
Why would I want to hold on to these acts? Why would I want to remember how I have been betrayed, let down, misused? I don’t have the answer to this, perhaps it has to do with continually giving too much. Never asking why, just always doing. Assisting. Helping. Sacrificing. I think that holding on to this record of wrong-doings helps me to remember that I have done my share.
I have assisted friends, family members, colleagues, much more than my fair share. It helps me to remember that I am a good person, after all look at all I have done!
However, one of my mentors recently pointed out to me how heavy my burden is, if I insist on carrying everybody’s wrongdoings around with me. My bag just expands and expands as I open it wider and wider and pack everybody’s trespasses against me into it. My back nearly caving under the weight, but very determined to lug it around, lest I forget what somebody did against me in 1995. She encouraged me to let it go, to give each person what belongs to them. To unpack it, and leave each item at the feet of those it belonged to, as it no longer belonged to me, and has never served me.
I duly did this, in my mind, and in my soul, consciously severing the ties that bound me to these people. Letting go of the anger and resentment that I felt. It really did help me when I realised that these people had not done these things on purpose. They had not deliberately wanted to be nasty to me. A lot of the actions could not even be remembered by the perpetrators and yet here I was, silently planning their demise.
At nobody’s detriment but my own. Having that cancer, that anger, that hatred inside me every day only hurt me. It brought MY energy down, shifted my space in the universe. Do not give power to the negative. Let it go. Embrace the positive, embrace forgiveness, embrace walking into the future weightless.
And be kind to one another.
Monday, February 19, 2018
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Twas the night before Valentines
Twas the night before Valentines, and all through the house...
Who am I kidding.....Valentine's Day is just another commercial, money-making rip off a day, is it not?
So I would like to say yes. And say that Valentine's Day means nothing. However, maybe it is conditioning. Maybe it is from years of subliminal advertising soaking into my brain. But I would like to say that the sentimentality behind the day is beautiful. That the idea of going out of your way to tell somebody how you feel about them is amazing, and special. For both the giver and the recipient.
For years I have not had a partner over this time of year, but I gave co-workers, my children, my friends, small gestures, and little gifts to tell them how much I love them.
However, this year, the whole ball park has changed. The field has been evened and the bats streamlined. This year, I have a Valentines. I have a beautiful amazing fantastic wonderful man to spoil and to love and to remind just how much he is treasured and appreciated. Because he is.
He has lowered my walls, breached my fortress, and stormed my bastille. And I am his. His alone and his in totality. What did I buy? The most corniest items I could find - plastic roses, huge cards, heart shaped simply everything. What are we doing? Movies and a dinner. Because it is our first Valentines Day together and kitch as it may seem, or corny as it may come across, we are going to have a Typical Date night. We will feed each other popcorn, and hold hands and snog in the movie house.
I will stare into his eyes and he will play footsie footsie under the table. I will give him a goodnight kiss before he leaves me to go home. And I will lie in my bed with little cupids flying around my head.
And thats okay. In fact its more than okay. It is exciting and it is wonderful and I cannot wait.
Twas, after all, the night before Valentines Day <3
Who am I kidding.....Valentine's Day is just another commercial, money-making rip off a day, is it not?
So I would like to say yes. And say that Valentine's Day means nothing. However, maybe it is conditioning. Maybe it is from years of subliminal advertising soaking into my brain. But I would like to say that the sentimentality behind the day is beautiful. That the idea of going out of your way to tell somebody how you feel about them is amazing, and special. For both the giver and the recipient.
For years I have not had a partner over this time of year, but I gave co-workers, my children, my friends, small gestures, and little gifts to tell them how much I love them.
However, this year, the whole ball park has changed. The field has been evened and the bats streamlined. This year, I have a Valentines. I have a beautiful amazing fantastic wonderful man to spoil and to love and to remind just how much he is treasured and appreciated. Because he is.
He has lowered my walls, breached my fortress, and stormed my bastille. And I am his. His alone and his in totality. What did I buy? The most corniest items I could find - plastic roses, huge cards, heart shaped simply everything. What are we doing? Movies and a dinner. Because it is our first Valentines Day together and kitch as it may seem, or corny as it may come across, we are going to have a Typical Date night. We will feed each other popcorn, and hold hands and snog in the movie house.
I will stare into his eyes and he will play footsie footsie under the table. I will give him a goodnight kiss before he leaves me to go home. And I will lie in my bed with little cupids flying around my head.
And thats okay. In fact its more than okay. It is exciting and it is wonderful and I cannot wait.
Twas, after all, the night before Valentines Day <3
Monday, February 12, 2018
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Claustrophobia
Deep you
Deep me
Deep sky
Deep sea
Shallow world
Shallow people
Shallow non-believers everywhere
Will we truly live
Or be suffocated by the shallowness of destiny?
Deep me
Deep sky
Deep sea
Shallow world
Shallow people
Shallow non-believers everywhere
Will we truly live
Or be suffocated by the shallowness of destiny?
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