What skill would you love to learn right now?

 Well the answer is always simple for me. Self love. If it takes me the rest of my journey here that’s also okay. To love myself totally. In my entirety.

 

I loathed myself for so many years that it has taken a long time to get to the point I am in my life now. Where I am satisfied. And I have a little crush on myself. Like, I could totally take me for coffee, or drinks, or a movie. Hell I may even like myself enough at this stage that I would want me as a girlfriend. I can see my attributes. I see my heart, I see my soul, and I see my intentions. And those are dam amazing. For others. Always. Like I could DEFINITELY date them. Hell I could even move in with them! but the rest……… not so sure.

 

No matter what there always just seems to be that voice. When you catch a brief look of yourself in the mirror in passing. OH MY GAWD can you do something with that hair? Maybe even pluck your eyebrows once in a while scarecrow. *runs past the mirror in fear*

 

Later on, doing some work, and I look down at my hands. EXCUSE ME HAYLEY. Are you a man or a woman? Do you even know? can you put some effort in? where is your nailpolish? Why aren’t they long and gorgeous? No wonder you don’t have a boyfriend. GIVES WORK UP AS A BAD IDEA.

 

Decides she definitely needs to go for a walk to clear her head. Feels amazing. fresh air in my lungs and birds and nature around me. SEES REFLECTION ON THE TAR. Good God thunder thighs can you do something about the ground shaking!!!???

 

In all seriousness, its something I have to work on. Something that has held me back for so long. Hearing other peoples voices in my head. Remembering what they said, how they made me feel. Associating that with violence. With abuse. And back to being scared and defenceless and plain unworthy.

 

We all have that voice. Those all too critical eyes. But the skill I want, no I NEED to master, is self-love. I need to remember just how beautiful this girl is. All that she has been through. And high 5 her every chance I get. Because she is a dam warrior, and a fighter, and a champion

 

Be kind to yourself.