What is the Motto you have for life?

 I was asked by one of my staff members to write about my motto in life for work, for life, and for my career.

 

I have spent time contemplating this, and the answer is quite simple. There are two. I may not always live up to them, but I always aspire to them.

 

Firstly, do what is right even when nobody is watching.

 

And secondly, as the Christian faith teaches, Do unto others as you would want done to you.

 

These two lines have played such a major part in my decision making over the years. How I conduct myself in relationships. How I treat my friends. How I run my business.

 

And I fall short in so many places, but I always strive for these. If you get a text that makes you vaguely uncomfortable from somebody of the opposite sex, and you are in a relationship…. Ask yourself – how would I feel if my partner responded? Would it be okay? if so, go for it. If not, just don’t do it. Because then you know that your gut is teaching you.

 

If somebody talks about your friend and she’s not around. Do you laugh with them? or do you walk away? Or alternatively, do you stand up and say that’s not okay? well, what would you want your friend to do if it were you? what would be acceptable? Do that

 

When you are dishing pudding in the kitchen and nobody is around, do you lick the spoon and carry on dishing? Do you take the biggest bowl with the most yumminess? When nobody is looking do you throw your trash out the window? If you had company would you be doing that?

 

So for me, those two mottos pretty much can be used for any situation in our lives

 

First, do no wrong. And be kind to one another.

 

 

The best advice I have ever received

 

I have been so blessed in my life to have many teachers. Often karmic teachings but also beautiful souls who have crossed my pathway and shed so much light on subjects without even trying.  Just dropped a nugget, painted in Hayley language, and left. Only for me to pick it up in wonder and marvel how I had never seen it before.

 

But if I had to choose one bit of advice that has served me every single day since the day I heard it, it is not to be a thief.

 

You see, I had it in my head that I needed to pick up everybody’s baggage. Everybody’s burdens. Everybodys troubles. And carry them on their behalf.

 

Until a teacher one day told me that I was stealing. I looked at her incredulously and asked what she meant. That I am a martyr if anything, definitely not a THIEF! And she looked at me and said Hayley, those are other people’s lessons. They are their blessings. They are their terrors.

 

Leave them be. Nobody can learn if somebody else takes them away. Put them down and let them learn their lessons. Support them. Love them. But let them be free to learn, to suffer, to grow, and to get to the next chapter in their books.

 

So my nugget would be – if its not yours, leave it be!

 

How’d you get started in your career? How did you get to where you are today?

All I wanted to be when I left school was a teacher. I wanted to do it better. Be more approachable. Change lives. Influence the impressionable. I had never had a safe space. I had been branded as naughty and that was it for me. I mean, it’s not as if I showed my teachers anything different…

 

Unfortunately/serendipitously, I messed about and did not get the marks I needed to go to Varsity and study teaching. And so my dad, who insisted I study, put me into a travel school where I did 6 months of a travel and tourism certification. I went to work in 2 tour operators thereafter and thoroughly enjoyed my period employed with these wonderful companies and under these amazing bosses.

 

In 2001 I needed to get a job closer to home as I had a one year old child that needed her mommy, and I was the breadwinner so could not afford to simply not work. I was leaving home before 6 AM and returning home after 6PM every day. My parents had started a management consultancy in 1996, and they needed some admin assistance. Historically our relationship was awful. So this was a short term agreement. In June, I will have been employed by VCA for 20 years.

 

I have been the sole shareholder for 3 years, having bought both my parents out. One in 2010, and one in 2018. This is the history. But what is the emotion?

 

The business at the beginning was a space where I had to learn, and fast. It was a world I had never heard of and a space I had never played in

 

I fell in love with the world of commerce and business really fast. It has ensued in a love affair that has spanned two decades. Involved me bringing my children up within these walls. Got a NDIP under my belt, a mini MBA bursary from GIBS, a bursary in business from Wits Business School, and 22 other short courses.

 

It has seen me train dozens of people in our trade, and enabled me to assist people to get their learners licences, their driving licences, cars, buy property – many the first in their families.

 

I have met with well over 10 000 small business owners over this time, in all of South Africa’s provinces, and through the Cheri Blair foundation, several overseas.

 

My career has been a labour of love. Of sweat. Of tears. Of pain and anguish and absolute joy. And I am by no means close to finishing. Thank you to my beautiful co-creation for holding me in bliss for so many years. Here’s to the next 20!

Why is business so important to me?

Business, and more importantly, small business, is a passion that runs deep in my veins. I cannot be at a braai or at a dinner with friends, without asking about their marketing, or their staff, or their clients. And as soon as I do, I find myself instantly referring to what ‘we’ will do. How ‘we’ should incentivise staff.  How ‘we’ should market. I become possessive. I become obsessed. I sometimes have to be asked very politely to step away from the SMME.

 

And why? Well because I am a small business owner. I did not develop a business idea. I did not see a gap in the market and address it. I came in by default. As a temp staff member. And fell in love with the job. And for the past 20 years, I have been doing my job. 17 years ago I became a shareholder and in 2017 I became 100% owner of VCA. But in my mind, I still do my job.

 

And my job involves consulting to my clients. Sometimes around legislation. Sometimes around HR. But ALWAYS around compliance, and growth, and sustainability. Which is when I realised. What makes me excited is not the Acts. It’s not new legislation. It’s the entire jigsaw puzzle that is small business. It is how many hats a Small Business Owner has to wear. And when one starts out, one believes that you need to be proficient in everything. Then, you realise that there are specialists that can alleviate much of the burden for you, on an outsourced basis. So you can get the expertise you need at a fraction of the cost.

 

You also realise that you are not unique. We all feel extremely possessive over our businesses. My challenge is like nobody else’s. My product is unlike any other. My staff are totally different. The bottom line is that all business operates from the same lifeblood. All business operates in the same way, with the same veins, and the same bones. Some are miniature, others are giant. But all have the same frame, and the same structure.

 

Business is important to me because I was a single mom since I was 26. I am now 44 years old. I have been supporting myself and my two children for 18 years, and before that I was the breadwinner. I have done that by doing my job. In the process I have built a company, built a personal brand. I have coached around 3000 businesses in their compliance and towards their growth, including work for the Cheri Blair Foundation and Shanduka Black Umbrellas on a volunteer basis. I have coached micro and small companies for GIBS. And I have enjoyed every single second. Because business changes lives.

 

It helps a single mom out of an otherwise impossible hole. It validates the hustle of an otherwise feeble voice. It grows employees in turn, who can start their own passions. It turns conversations at parties into a takeaway other than a party box. Small business is the lifeblood of our economy. Join us. Its fun.

 

45 before 45

So the topic I was given for this week is 45 things I want to do before I turn 45

Bear in mind, this happens in 6 months from today. Nothing like a firm deadline to really get action inspired. 45 seems a large number, and I guess I need to make peace that it is a big number, and comes with responsibilities. One of them is honouring me commitments and always being true to myself. So lets begin now.

 

1)      Go away on my own for at least 2 nights

2)      Finish writing my book

3)      Take a dance class

4)      Take a boxing class

5)      Have a proper and measurable retirement plan

6)      Finish Money Magic with my Fairy Godmother

7)      Have my dad in an appropriate forever place

8)      Visit Memel

9)      Go to Cape Town again

10)   Have my next overseas holiday booked

11)   Host a webinar I actually speak on

12)   Coach 4 more small businesses

13)   Do a public speaking engagement

14)   Finish archiving all family documents

15)   Do a 10 km hike in nature

16)   Master the art of self love

17)   Finish the entrance of the training room

18)   Learn how to stop procrastinating

19)   Once learned, master it!

20)   Read 6 books – one a month

21)   Go for a mammogram

22)   Visit the gynae

23)   Take the staff on a break and on a plane

24)   Start doing Copywriting work

25)   Start doing Proofreading work

26)   Do a Zumba class

27)   Get my passport back

28)   Go on an adventure

29)   Try each style of yoga

30)   Master 2 new starters

31)   Master 2 new mains

32)   Master 2 new desserts

33)   Finish one more tattoo

34)   Master the art of meditation

35)   Shed 10 more kilograms

36)   Master 2 cocktails

 

And this is where I end

Which proves that I am really 36. It has taken me three days to write this list and I simply cannot come up with anything truly substantial to fill the gaps but it sure has given me a lot to chew on over the next few months. Here is to 45!

 

 

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.” Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

 The topic I was assigned this week is about Distance. Being so far away from my daughter, who is au pairing in America, and has been for the past 14 months, and yet still being as close as we are. I was asked how I do it, and if it has been easy.

 

If she is reading this, YES its been super easy! Haven’t even noticed she has been away. Been a breeze. Great. Wonderful.

 

If you are wanting the truth, then also yes, and no. When she left, it was for a year and I was coming mid-year to visit her. We only had to survive without each other for 6 months. Which is really not a long time. Except, we are inseparable. We are best friends. I raised her on my own for 19 years. I know this means a little bit of distance would be good for us. Help us live alone. Sever the ties that bind and prepare her for her own existence sans mommy. I get it.

 

And then, COVID hit and lockdowns prevailed. Borders were closed and an unseen and unknown enemy lurked everywhere, wanting to steal our loved ones from us. But this was March. July, everything will be clear and ready for us to be reunited!

 

This, clearly, did not happen. Never mind I thought, December and Christmas would be an awesome second prize! South Africa then presents another strain of COVID. Thank you very much for coming! The world is even more terrified of us than ever! America says a very stern NO thanks to me bringing my germs into their borders. Nikita decided to extend her stay and will only be returning in January 2022. And I have come to terms with the fact that I more than likely will only see her again when I welcome her home at the airport.

 

However, we are closer than we have ever been. Sorry for all of you, no curing of the ties that bind. No severing the cord. And I have to be honest, this is predominantly thanks to my now 21 year old young adult daughter. She calls me every single day. Without fail. Even when I am in a foul mood. Or hungover. Or sick. Or grumpy. Or have a flat battery. Sorrry for me. She is on that phone. Seven hours behind me or not. We video call. We share photos, we share all news. I update her on our pets. I update her on my love life or lack thereof, and she shares her journey of falling in love for the first time. Of teaching children to read. Of travelling, of getting tested for COVID. Turning 21. Driving on the WRONG side of the road.

 

I think that all things can be overcome if there is love. And I love my beautiful child more than I have breath in my body, or money in the Nigerian lottery. She is my best friend. And she has shown me that any relationship can survive. If you are loyal. If you are dedicated. If you are honest. And if you love.

 

Thank you my darling Nikita. You are my sunflower and my cosmos.

Is being alone okay

When I was first given this topic, I thought of it in a romantic way. At the time I was in a relationship. However I have been single for much of my adult life and always had my children at home with me. so even before the relationship, I had them.

 

And then the relationship ended, and my children are not at home, and I am now alone. However, I work from home, so my wonderful staff come in every day. And I have 8 amazing dogs who keep me company every second of every day. And I have the most amazing family and friends and support networks all around me. Virtually, for the most part, but there nevertheless. And I began to think firstly, about all the people who spent lockdown alone. Who had been retrenched, lost their homes, lost loved ones. How this has been a year of being alone

 

Alone with your fears, alone with your worries. Not allowed to see parents, siblings, or extended family. Some parents not being able to see their children.

 

How many people could see no other alternative but to end their lives. Because they could not deal with the loneliness. The solitude. The voices inside of them that other people silence.

 

And so, in conclusion, we all need to be okay with being alone. Because at the end of the day it’s the only relationship that will last until you take your last breath – your one with yourself.

 

Be kind to one another