Self care for men - why don't they do it, or speak about it it, or see it as a priority?

 Self-care has become a buzzword in recent years, with endless articles, products, and practices aimed at helping people recharge. Yet, when it comes to men, the conversation often falls flat. Many men don’t openly discuss self-care, don’t see it as a priority, or even dismiss it altogether. The question is: why? And what might change if more men embraced the idea of caring for themselves in intentional, healthy ways?

For generations, men have been raised with messages equating strength with stoicism. From a young age, boys are told to “toughen up” or “man up,” and that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. In that cultural framework, self-care can feel unnecessary, indulgent, or even emasculating. Talking about stress, exhaustion, or emotional wellbeing is still something many men feel uncomfortable admitting, even to close friends.

Another reason men avoid self-care is the way it’s marketed. Most self-care imagery centers around face masks, bubble baths, or spa treatments — practices often branded as feminine. While these are valid forms of care, they don’t reflect the broader spectrum of what self-care can be. For men who don’t see themselves represented in the conversation, it’s easy to conclude that self-care “isn’t for them.”

There’s also the issue of priorities. Men often place work, family, and responsibilities above their own wellbeing. Rest or downtime can feel like a luxury rather than a necessity, especially in cultures that praise productivity and sacrifice. Many men internalize the idea that their worth comes from providing or achieving, leaving little room for practices that focus purely on their own health and happiness.

But the truth is, self-care isn’t frivolous — it’s survival. Neglecting physical and mental health takes a toll over time, leading to burnout, strained relationships, and even long-term illness. Self-care doesn’t have to look like a day at the spa; it can mean going for a run, cooking a healthy meal, journaling, or simply giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. For men, reframing self-care as maintenance — like tuning up a car — can help shift the perspective from indulgence to necessity.

Another piece of the puzzle is conversation. When men see other men openly discussing therapy, mindfulness, exercise, or boundaries, it normalizes the idea that taking care of yourself is part of being strong, not the opposite. Representation matters, and as more male role models embrace self-care publicly, the stigma begins to break down.

Self-care also requires redefining what masculinity means. True strength isn’t about ignoring needs or pushing through pain — it’s about resilience, self-awareness, and longevity. By practicing self-care, men not only improve their own wellbeing but also show up better in their roles as partners, fathers, friends, and colleagues. Caring for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s an investment that ripples outward.

In the end, the challenge isn’t whether men can do self-care, but whether they can give themselves permission to see it as vital. As the conversation expands, self-care for men needs to be reframed not as an indulgence, but as a cornerstone of living well. And the more openly men begin to talk about it, the less it becomes a taboo subject — and the more it becomes a natural, necessary part of life.